{"id":1125,"date":"2023-07-20T23:50:17","date_gmt":"2023-07-20T22:50:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/?p=1125"},"modified":"2023-07-20T23:50:17","modified_gmt":"2023-07-20T22:50:17","slug":"in-the-quiet-moments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/archives\/1125","title":{"rendered":"In The Quiet Moments"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sometimes I cannot bring myself to speak, to verbalise what thoughts and feelings are swirling. Silence seems to keep them under control, to keep them in the depths. If I open my mouth, they may escape and I\u2019m not ready for that to happen.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And what the world sees is me with a smile and a greeting. Maybe I falter at the moment of remembering something significant in your life. I can\u2019t quite pull together the relevant memories and conversations that feed my knowledge. And then I feel ashamed that I have let my feelings overtake my interest in you, that you will think I haven\u2019t listened or paid attention to your life and your needs.<\/span><\/p>\n

All the while I\u2019ll keep floating through the demands of daily ritual, the cooking, laundry, school runs, errands. All the while I am actually convinced that I have a handle on it all, that I have reasoned all the uncomfortable and painful feelings into the right corners of my brain and body. That I have accepted, processed, owned, released.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And only in the truly quiet moments, this half an hour waiting for my children to finish their activities, where I have stopped with unexpected space and grace. Only then do I realise how much I do not want to speak. How much energy it takes some days to be a\u00a0 responsible, thoughtful, loving human and parent, when I am craving blankets and books and silence.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In my teens and twenties there were times when I would sit in the base of a shower and let the water run on hot for an hour, or I\u2019d curl up in the bottom of a wardrobe with the doors closed and just the fabrics, darkness and silence as my embrace.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now my children, my life, my choices fill me and fulfil me so that I can believe so many of those pains never even existed. They belong to another lifetime, another journey but sometimes in the quiet moments, I never want to speak again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

First published on social media on 3rd April 2023<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sometimes I cannot bring myself to speak, to verbalise what thoughts and feelings are swirling. Silence seems to keep them under control, to keep them in the depths. If I open my mouth, they may escape and I\u2019m not ready for that to happen.\u00a0 And what the world sees is me with a smile and … Continue reading “In The Quiet Moments”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1126,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[19,12,34,586,511,94,25],"class_list":["post-1125","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal-moments","tag-healing","tag-love","tag-pain","tag-quiet","tag-silence","tag-trauma","tag-voice"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1125","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1125"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1125\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1127,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1125\/revisions\/1127"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1126"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1125"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1125"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1125"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}