{"id":711,"date":"2018-05-27T13:20:01","date_gmt":"2018-05-27T12:20:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/?p=711"},"modified":"2018-05-27T13:20:01","modified_gmt":"2018-05-27T12:20:01","slug":"a-ruthless-mirror","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/archives\/711","title":{"rendered":"A Ruthless Mirror"},"content":{"rendered":"

Recently the bickering of my kids has been driving me a little demented. Hearing the impatience retorts, and unsympathetic reactions that then spiral into fisticuffs and cruel words, triggers me something rotten.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So I hear myself saying all sorts of unhelpful snaps: \u2018stop!\u2019; \u2018be kind!\u2019; \u2018there will be consequences if you continue!\u2019. And then they look at me square in the face, deaf to my protests.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And I know why.<\/p>\n

Everything that I accuse them of, I am guilty of myself. Am I patient with their needs and issues? Often not, I am too frequently distracted by the next need of meals, or school runs or crazy head thoughts; I judge their problems of colouring pens or space or choice of game to be of lesser value than my preoccupation and I respond with sighs and frustration.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Am I kind? Oh yes, lots of the time I am but not when I am pushed and tired, then I can be careless with my words and energy and hurtful with my reactions. But somehow I am expecting my kids to be above that. They \u2018should\u2019 be better at controlling those bitchy words age 8 and 6, seeing as I\u2019ve got it handled aged 41. Not!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Am I generous? With all of the things I have plenty of then I am super generous, but I know I can horde and snuffle away my precious and less abundant treasures, including my time and attention. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Am I violent? Never. Well never with my fists or feet, but I can carry the violence of energy in my huffs and silences when hurting. Just like them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So I recognise this ruthless, searingly honest mirror of my children.\u00a0 <\/span>I know that the trigger, the unbearable bickering, is my lesson to walk through.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I said to my husband yesterday, I have used my will power to overcome so many obstacles in my life, to change patterns and habits that have been destroying me. I have cured myself of eating disorders, quit addictive substances, abandoned my self harming, walked away from abusive relationships, all through the power of my own choice and determination.<\/p>\n

Yet this space, where I know that it is \u2018I\u2019 who needs to model the change I wish to see. \u2018I\u2019 need to offer more patience, kindness and generosity so that my children have that reflection in their mirror of learning. If I am triggered, it is my issue to work through, not theirs to force into submission.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But I am finding it astoundingly hard. I want to make it their fault, I want to make them wrong for not being able to work through their issues with calm and resolve. I want to abdicate all the responsibility of being their guide because otherwise I have to face the fact that I\u2019ve still got to dig deep for some strength to create change in myself so that my children have a role model I can be proud of.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I have done well for children and I have conquered many mountains to give them a start in life that they and the world deserve.\u00a0 <\/span>And this is the next station on my journey, uncovering the source of my trigger, to free us all for our next destination.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recently the bickering of my kids has been driving me a little demented. Hearing the impatience retorts, and unsympathetic reactions that then spiral into fisticuffs and cruel words, triggers me something rotten.\u00a0 So I hear myself saying all sorts of unhelpful snaps: \u2018stop!\u2019; \u2018be kind!\u2019; \u2018there will be consequences if you continue!\u2019. And then they … Continue reading “A Ruthless Mirror”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":712,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,3],"tags":[42,117,21,133,132,19,49,116,12,63,15,131,44,124,130,134],"class_list":["post-711","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-holistic-health-emotional-healing","category-parenting","tag-children","tag-compassion","tag-courage","tag-forgiveness","tag-generosity","tag-healing","tag-honesty","tag-kindness","tag-love","tag-mirrors","tag-parenting","tag-patience","tag-role-models","tag-strength","tag-triggers","tag-will-power"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/711","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=711"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/711\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":714,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/711\/revisions\/714"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/712"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=711"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=711"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/soulreflection.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=711"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}