Modelling as a parental guideline came to me relatively late. I appreciated that my children would mimic my behaviours and attitude, but I didn’t really get to grips with the true beauty of this wisdom until I read both The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff and Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. Up until the theory clicked into place, I had felt that my role as parent was to be instructive and directive, in all the best possible ways of course!
I now realise that I no longer have to consciously instruct or teach my children, I just need to open up my space to them and let them observe. Just as a lioness does not draw pictures of Zebra on the ground, if I let my cubs potter around after me, they pick up lessons innately and intuitively. This photo of my son hit this home to me just this week. He is 2 years old and everyday since January he has watched me create our morning juices, this week he took over! On his very tippy-toes, unable to see over the rim of the vegetable holder, he feels with his fingers as he pops in the veg and carefully plunges away.
I still instruct way too much, especially to my elder child as she is verbal and it is so easy to ‘over communicate’ – “do it like this”, “try it this way” etc; but I am gently being shown that the less ‘lessons’ I try to convey, the easier the learning. Our children are born to assimilate, observe and recreate our movements, actions, emotions, reactions and every little quirk of habit we have. We are their teachers and the best way to teach is in action.
So each day I try to remember that when I just want to get the washing up finished quickly I am doing my children no favours, if I can let them stand and splash and even break and bend, they are really learning. They are not only learning key skills like dexterity and perception but they are receiving this wisdom with their natural curiosity and joy. These lessons don’t jar in the way that verbal discussion can (‘stop talking mama’) they are simply life breathing, life moving forward, life growing.