Category: teens

It’s beginning to look a lot like Teen-mas

Six months in and I cannot deny the teen era is upon me. I’m actually finding it, mostly, delightful; watching my child expand into the world, explore, grow, stretch and return. 

I was the archetypal ‘terrible teen’, lots of deception, no strong parental attachment, peer focused, crashing into adulthood with despair and desperate hope. So there is a part of me that thinks I’ve got this covered, I know what NOT to do. But I don’t want to be naive either, society is influencing powerfully and my children do not have the same impacting factors that I had. So when I saw this book, ‘Untangled’ by Lisa Damour, I thought it would be good for me to have a read. 

It is a perfect example of how context is everything. If my values centred around fulfilling the perception of modern society, that high grades, top university and money-pumping careers are the be all and end all of life, then this would be the book to guide my teens through. It shockingly includes a suggestion of bribing your teen to achieve their grades. 

There are some solid foundation notes, like having family meals together, knowing who the friends are etc but these are not rocket science and says much about our society when having a family meal together is something to implement for the teens under the assumption that it’s not been happening before. Am I living in an alternate universe?

Are families so disconnected that they need just the basics to bring back some form of connection and communication? Are our children so undervalued that they are being left to flounder through the initiation into adulthood without parental and mentor guidance? 

This book made me achingly sad for all of those it is aimed at, parents and teens alike. To be existing together without feeling loved and held and cherished and to be thinking that this is just how life goes, how painful! Damour is doing her best in the context of this world but I wanted something much deeper, richer, more intense. I wanted a call for heart connection, for initiation, for handing down wisdom, learning from the vibrant young, healing ancestral blockages. 

The teens is a transition, there is no doubt about that, but in that is the most beautiful opportunity, offered over and over again for years and years. Forget the grades and the careers. Find the passion and the joy and the spirit and the love and the conversation and the connection. 

This is the moment your child moves into the blessing of a companion adult. Not too quickly, not until they’re ready. They still need their boundaries and circling, but that is the goal to hold onto. Staying in connection, understanding and love.  

First published on social media on 18th December 2022

The King of Knowledge

Sometimes I’m not sure how certain books arrive in my ‘to read’ pile. But I accept their intrusion and, following my own rules, they must be read. 

This is one such mystery: a Hare Krishna commentary.  I have vague memories of the Hare Krishna community hanging out in Kentish Town where I grew up, handing out food, chanting and wearing orange tones. I may well have been palmed it at some point then and it’s taken twenty (plus!) years of house moves and adventures to reach the top of my pile (most books take a year!). 

From wherever it came, the universal timing is all in perfection. As my young teen is reminding me clearly right now, those years are not about absorbing the spiritual aspects of life! I wouldn’t have really resonated with the deeper perspective that I can welcome now, in fact I can quite imagine myself being quite dismissive and derisory about it. 

But now I love reading about different faiths and beliefs. There is so much compassion and love as the foundation and I enjoyed learning much about the world of Hare Krishna. The Bhagavad Gita and Upanishads are still working their way to the top of my pile and it was fascinating to be reading a study of this ancient wisdom, wetting my taste buds for the originals. 

As with most of life, whilst I don’t chant the exact song sheet of this text, there is more that resonates than doesn’t. Faith and love being the core of existence, all the tendrils that flow from that are so nourishing and inspiring. 

And now, instead of remembering a slightly bizarre cult on the streets of my London neighbourhood, I can reframe that memory to one of charity, grace, joy and generosity. Such is the power of knowledge and understanding. 

First published on social media on 26th August 2022

Teen Rites

Rites of passage have been a dinner table discussion for all sorts of reasons recently, but one thing I am clear on is that they are a vital part of life development and growth and are also sadly missing or distorted in much of modern society. 

A rite of passage marks the transition from one phase or stage of life to another whether that’s into parenthood & birth, puberty, marriage, death or other smaller leaps into relationships, careers et al. So few of these are honoured with the necessary gravitas, the acknowledgment of change and the challenges that they bring. Lack of acknowledgment is one of the main causes of unresolved feelings stagnating in our bodies and spirits. Simply naming, facing, owning, expressing can change energy from fear/shame/loss to hope/growth/life and even joy. 

So it is really important to me to bless and honour the transitions within my family with the appropriate rites of passage, which are unique to the protagonist and age dependent. The core theme is to be challenged, to move across a boundary, to face a fear and to be celebrated crossing the line. 

My eldest is the first to hit such a marker. There will be more to come with the shifts into puberty but this beginning is a toe into the teens. And with that came the much longed for, and also much feared (for pain and blood are not easy for this soul) ear piercing. 

So we made it an event. All the family shared in celebrating this moment, holding the nerves, breathing, loving and rejoicing. 

I can imagine many could consider this insignificant but I know we made a memory today that will be treasured for a lifetime and is cast with a shine of positive, courageous actions. It’s the little things that nurture our beautiful humans to blossom into their very best. And it was wonderful fun too! 

(Helped by the amazing team at #mariatash #harrods who gave such kind, warm and utterly professional service.)

First published on social media on 26th April 2022