When I was pregnant, I talked to my midwife about due dates and their influence on a woman’s expectation for the birth of her child. She very simply explained that a due date is on a bell curve, the average being around 39-40 weeks but a healthy child can easily be born at 36 weeks and 43 weeks without any issues at all. The medical construct defines this tight two week window without allowing for the natural differentials on either side and that creates pressured consequences that negatively affect the birthing empowerment of women.
Life is this. Most things fall at the height of the bell curve but there are always differentials on either side. Gender identity is one of those things. I get that there are some people who fall on the outside of their natal gender and wish to recognise themselves as such, I am not denying this reality, nor holding judgement around their choices. More than that, it’s important to honour and support those individuals.
This also feels very different to the trans agenda which is happening in real time in our current society. I have very serious concerns about our children’s mental health and well-being when trans ideology is being pushed into their awareness without understanding the delicate psychology of children and teens. Compounded by the cognitive dissonance that seems to allow biological males identifying as women to compete in sports, added to the freedom for predators to identify however they like and enter single sex spaces which previously offered security and sanctuary. This is what JK Rowling has been discussing.
And she discusses it brilliantly. She is thoughtful, reasoned, educated and measured. There is not an ounce of malice, contempt or actually anything except beautiful humanitarian concern for all parties.
But where has our society reached when the abuse and threats she is receiving are heartbreaking and sickening all because there are some so invested in their narrative that they cannot actually hear the truth of what is being spoken? What has happened when those who claim they need love and protection are spitting bile and hatred?
I do hold my own opinions on some of what is going on with this issue. I stand by the bell curve analogy but I also think there is a huge trauma and mental health element to much of the current vogue for gender identifying. If my child were starving herself, I would be negligent to allow her to identify as fashionably thin and ignore the physical and mental health issues creating this situation. For many cases of gender dysphoria this is what is happening: an acceptance of a new identity rather than acknowledging and facing the pain and trauma that is the cause of this symptom.
Am I a transphobe because of this? Should I be a target for the abuse that has been laid at too many people’s feet for having an opinion about these issues? My passions include trauma healing and childhood wellbeing. I want someone to feel the very best in their own skin, I want our children to have the childhoods they so deserve that help create adults who feel good about themselves. They are integrally entwined.
Some of that means speaking up and challenging things that are currently accepted by society like ‘trans women are women’. Trans woman are deserving of every human right and kindness, like every human, but I won’t agree that they are women AND they also have the right to think and proclaim that they are. Love, healing, understanding, compassion and, like the very best of parenting, boundaries and respect, these are the tools we need to embrace. But most urgently of all is the grace to allow everyone a different opinion. I can get enraged by someone else’s viewpoint, I can question their morality and judgement, but I cannot take away their right to hold it and unless they are actually harming someone (and I don’t mean offending someone) I will not do anything to stop them expressing that. That is surely the bottom line for a free society?
So I put out this blog, with a genuine risk of attack, to encourage everyone to listen to this incredible series of podcasts which are truly educational and also vitally important. And I stand for my right to my own voice and opinion as I stand for everyone’s.
#istandwithjkrowling #thefreepress #spotify
As an addendum, I rejected the label of feminist a number of years ago because of the negative impact it was having on family values in society and, with that, the well-being of young children. I can’t say that I’m ready to reclaim it but JK Rowling’s stance as a feminist is the most inclusive and expansive I have heard and I am drawn rather than repelled by it. She certainly has my solidarity.
First published on social media on 18th March 2023