When I think about the early years of parenting, the physical exhaustion pales in comparison to the psychological wipe out. Whilst I know this is the case for many, I don’t believe it has to remain this way for our future generations. I certainly want to make the transition to parenthood easier for my kids.
What has been, and still remains, the most shattering aspects are the parts that were once second nature, were once instinctive, in our ancestors. Having to retrain myself to think, perform or react differently to how I was raised myself or how modern society has moulded me, is a mammoth task.
My energy really needs to be focused on the physical, spiritual and emotional needs of my children rather than me scrambling to catch up on providing foundation nutrition; researching modern medical strategy; decoding educational mantras; and, most basically, tuning in to becoming a more respectful and compassionate parent. Once upon a time, all of these were either entirely irrelevant or intrinsically second nature. As I teach myself to make bone broths, ferment sourdough and sooth aches and pains with natural remedies, I am aware that long ago, this knowledge would be in my blood.
When I started the journey in my twenties to heal my emotional wounds, I did it for my future children. All I ever wanted was to be a mum and I also knew that without some serious therapy, I would be an appalling one. I’ve made great strides and have come a long way but I wish I’d known about all the other parts too.
My cousin, who passed last year, a beautiful soul who, despite still being a way off from becoming a parent, was doing intense research on early years parenting needs. His motivation was also self-healing but at the same time I was awed by how prepared he was going to be when he got the opportunity to become a dad. He was making short films on the importance of secure attachment and bringing together the links between addictions, and other current societal ailments, and our parenting foundation. We were both passionate about the subject, but I wished I known earlier.
I can’t change what is and I’m glad that I love reading and learning, because it can also be exciting when those eureka moments hit and I realise just what I need to do for the next phase of mummy hood. I am also hoping that the hours of my kids sitting up on the counter helping me cook from scratch; the memories of our cosleeping and breastfeeding; the awareness of their robust and healthy immunity will all enable them to concentrate on just ‘being’ a parent. Not thinking it, not questioning it, living it as part of their souls.