‘The World can’t be “fixed” now — it has to be healed. And healing is not an event, it is a process.’
Marianne Williamson
Today, our country has agreed to bomb Syria, in the name of humanity and yet so far from true humanity.
Innocents will continue to die.
The discussion on social media is all about killing, how can we justify killing, ‘the greater good’, shootings in America, gun control, refugees. Every voice is strong, powerful, vehement and righteous. Understandably so, on all sides, of every argument.
And I think I know why.
I think we really need to start at the very beginning. I have a passion for understanding human psychology, my father was an eminent psychiatrist and he definitely passed this trait of curiosity on to me. I struggled (and still do in some ways) with anxieties, self harming, destructive patterns for years and, although through some of the worst of those years by the time I reached parenthood, I wanted to understand the psychology of our children enough to try and break some of those chains that bind.
So many parenting decisions, therefore, have been fed with the context of what effect they might have on the psychological stability of my children. It opened up an unfathomable new world.
Against our animal impulses, we are predominately raising children to be disassociated from instincts, security, attachment, intuition and solid foundations. This is not a blame or finger pointing exercise and there are huge variable for every individual but it is important to start seriously considering these influences on the lives of our future generations & communities.
In exploring the neuroscience (Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt) of children’s brain development and the repercussions that ignoring animals’ needs for security, survival & nurture can have, the world implodes. The hatred, violence, disconnection from compassion & humanity can be unravelled by understanding how our current view of parenting is shaping the world. Why are our descendents getting angrier? Why are they hurting so much that they are hurting others?
Because they are disconnected. If we leave our children’s cries unheard and unresponded to, then they never will truly believe that there is any safety for them in the world. If we control their behaviour to unreasonable, age inappropriate, expectations, then they will never believe they are good enough, capable enough. I damage my children, I scream at times and I witness the damage that does to their psyche in front of my eyes, the safety I provide shrivels when I am raging, when I am expressing my disconnect from compassion. Each of these elements is just a small part of an enormous whole. In America, women receive 6 weeks maternity leave, their babies are being left, their animal attachment is being severed way too early, way too soon.
Do we really think that if our children were brought up with a deep knowing and sense of their worthiness and trust in unconditional love, do you think any of them would be suicide bombers, or war waging politicians? Really?
That is where we need to start. We need to bring back the understanding of our small actions as individuals, as parents, as carers to raise each child with enough humanity to stop the wars.