This week my beautiful four year old became a teenager, she started throwing things with intent and frustration to grab my attention, she was shouty and demanding. Normal? Not for her… it is because I am not here.
I am not here because last week my cousin died, he left this world and moved on. I am not here because just last week he came for lunch and spent hours here, talking and being and connecting with us. That night he died. I am not here because my head is full of it, full of his energy that still sits in our home, full of his dreams and aspirations that he had been sharing with us, full of our spirit connection, our understanding, now gone.
I am not here because I am grieving the loss of a great friend and a man who knew and shared my passions in life for enquiry, discovery and healing. I am grieving for this man who was courage, who was integrity and who was truth; a soulful human being who inspired me and supported me as I did him.
I miss him.
I see my children need me, they have shown me well and I have brought myself back to them, but as I sit in the darkness at my computer I know I am still not here.