In many cultures around the world there is a tradition that, for 40 days after giving birth, a mother is to remain at home with her baby, to be tended to by family and to be left to rest, connect, bond and restore her energy. I remember my midwife telling me a story of a client who insisted on keeping this tradition with her children (I believe she had four or five); she lived in a large house in central London and was fortunate to have staff to cook, clean and tend to her other children as she remained in her attic room for the duration, with each new child.
I wonder what you felt when you read that? I know that, whilst I didn’t judge it negatively, I certainly framed it as being a ‘luxury’, a nice ideal but far from most people’s reality. Then I took this principle of honouring our need for rest, that perhaps we once held traditionally but is now fading fast, and explored some other areas: a woman’s monthly menses is one such moment that used to be a sign for a woman to withdraw and recharge; fever and sickness offering a reminder to take time for oneself; fire-gazing as a space for relaxation and restoration.
I look at my world and my life and see there is very little ‘space’ left, very few in-between moments and ritual recharging going on.
Let me divert for a minute….. This week I left my boy with his grandparents for a few hours whilst I went to take a yoga class. This was really the first time that he had such a break from me since he was born over 3 years ago. It is the first time I have had a break like that since my daughter was born, nearly 6 years ago. Some people find these time lines shocking, inappropriate, perhaps even indulgent and it was huge for me; I cried as I walked away, feeling vulnerable and alone and anxious AND also exhilarated and anticipatory.
As I returned later that afternoon, I had a deep sense of peace, knowing that I had supported my children in holding secure attachment until such time as they were ready to explore the world a little more for themselves. It was this experience that reminded me of the lady in her loft in London taking 40 days to honour the arrival of a new soul and brought this awareness of how lacking our western society is in relation to taking time to be with what needs to be. It is never going to be easy for a family to announce its 40 day solitude, but if we all start to reconsider the importance of interludes, however they relate to our lives, if we can reframe our fast paced lives and find a few more spaces for fire gazing and moon watching and occasional napping and silence and allowing and, not forgetting, parenthood as an interlude all of its own…. oh how much more blissful could this life become?