I have been breastfeeding for 6 years, 9 months and 17 days.
And now I’m done.
My little boy decided that today would be the day he was to stop having his milk; tonight we celebrated this choice at a restaurant for supper; and this very evening he has soothed himself to sleep for the first time in his life.
He is 4 years and 1 month old. My daughter was 3 years and 11 months old when she chose to stop.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, my first born, I thought that I would breastfeed for 6 months as that is all that a baby really ‘needs’, according to current trends. 6 months of nutrition and immunity, then done!
Except that she arrived into the world with the amazing support of my awesome midwife who imparted to me, subtly and gently, ancient wisdom of mothering. So instead of deciding to stop at 6 months, I adopted a ‘wait and see’ attitude. Indeed, if you’d asked me back then if I’d be feeding my kids until they were 4 I would have been horrified, thankfully I didn’t make plans either way.
By removing this rigidity, I was able to step into real connection with my breastfeeding relationship. By feeding on demand, I was able to look beyond the process as just scheduled meals and begin to recognise the cues associated with emotional needs, hunger needs, ailments needs. I began to see the enormous depths that this relationship creates between me and my children.
A friend recently wrote to me “… it all makes sense to me now the older she gets. Before I was a mum I used to look at breastfeeding as just nutrition but I understand now it’s so much more.”
This is the sadness I feel around the breastfeeding status in society at the moment, unless we give ourselves the opportunity to see beyond that 6 month plan, it can be so hard to understand, to really get into connection with what else breastfeeding provides.
This is just a small part of what it has meant for me and my children. It has naturally imparted all the health benefits of shared immunity; the nutritional magic that nature created; it has protected against allergens by coating the gut lining; it has been a reassuring source of hydration and nutrition during times of sickness; it has soothed pains of bruises, cuts, new teeth and even broken arms. That’s the physical stuff.
Emotionally it has helped my children transition from one developmental shift to another. They have had a non-verbal base to return to when the adventures of the world have proved a little too much. In those moments of high emotion when rational conversation is just beyond reach, the boob has restored their centre and calm. It makes so much sense to me that the average age of full term breastfeeding is 4 years old (the bell curve ranging from 2.5 to 7) as this is an age where they begin to introduce rational thought into those tumultuous feelings and therefore to self manage those highs and lows.
It is not an easy process and there have been many moments along the way when I have had to sit and reflect on my choices, their importance for me, for my kids, for my husband and indeed with the outside world too. Tandem feeding was, psychologically, one of the hardest things I have ever done and there are times I have had to remind myself that holding boundaries around my breasts is not in conflict with my aims & philosophy.
Yet without a doubt, it has been an amazing journey and one for which I am profoundly grateful. In these early years, when my head has been in a spin and I have not grounded myself as I’d of liked, my kids have been able to ground themselves on my breast; it has brought me back to nature, to trusting the miraculous power and intelligence of this force; it has given my kids a solid foundation from which to sprout and grow wildly.
I choose to share all of this because I know I would have loved to have read this support and encouragement when I was finding my way through this adventure, when faced with opposition and judgement, I would have wanted to read these words. That does not mean it is a directive to all woman, it does not have to be received as another guilt inducing blog for those that have done things differently, it is just my story for those that wish to hear it.
With blessings to all mamas, on all their journeys xx