My daughter turned 5 last week and with it came a huge developmental curve ball. She’s transitioned from being a pretty easy going, highly reasonable kid to a determined, slightly angry, stubborn personality. She’s coming into her own and she’s not going about it quietly.
There is a lot of talk of killing people to death, “for real” and other gruesome tortures and she seems to have forgotten how to talk things out preferring a swift kick or grimaced squeeze, especially to her younger brother. I have contemplated the possibility that I have a psychopath on my hands but decided that, as her friends seem to be sharing many of these darker imaginings, I’m going to go with ‘developmental shift’ instead!
My reaction to it all, however, has not been easy. Shock initially means I’ve jumped back with lots of ‘don’ts’ and ‘stop its’ and I’ve chastised myself for reflecting back her anger (or perhaps she is reflecting mine) rather than modelling some zen like response. I’ve worried and stressed and fretted a lot and found myself in that familiar place of ‘where the hell am I?’ and how do I help this transition without suppressing her or squashing her?
Whilst cleaning my teeth tonight I’ve stumbled on the idea of curiosity. The truth is I don’t really know where she’s at right now, I don’t understand why she is in this place and what that means for her. She certainly can’t explain it to me but I can allow myself to be curious with her; stand in her shoes and watch her world. I have been responding like an adult rather than a mother and I’m going to spend some time being with this new part of her that is welcome, because every part of her and every part of me is welcome.
I am going to be curious rather than fearful and hold her hand as she steps into her own unknown.