There is nothing like parenting to introduce us to the spiritual journey of facing our Ego – full frontal, no holds barred.
From the moment we conceive we have opportunities to make choices that perhaps go against what we perceive we ‘want’. So we may not eat sugar during pregnancy despite craving some chunky slices of chocolate cake; we want to sleep more than anything once they’ve arrived in the world, but we can choose to wake with them and support them during those early years; we may wish for a tidy and serene house and yet allow toddler chaos to reach the four corners of each room. There are manifold moments where we surrender to offering our children the ‘best’ of ourselves against the desires we may (previously) have.
And then there is also the tightrope of listening to our soul. Surrendering our ego is an empowering and spiritual journey that can take us to deeper places of understanding, compassion and love AND offering up too much of our soul and spirit does the opposite.
Where is that line? And how do we traverse it?
I noticed it in myself, just in the smallest moment, yesterday. I was breastfeeding my son and he, being a strident toddler, likes to pinch and pull at my breasts whilst feeding. I saw my boundary very clearly, I saw that I was so happy to give him my breast for as long as he needs and I was not happy to be prodded and poked alongside it, that felt invasive and exhausting. So I set my boundary. Done. Simple.
Many choices in parenting are not so simple. Many times each and every day we can reach an apex where we have go inside and ascertain whether our ego is calling to which we can surrender it, or whether our soul is speaking to which we need to listen.
I will never forget the moment, many moons ago when I read the Neale Donald Walsch series Conversations With God, where he so clearly outlined that each and every choice in life is made either with Love (Soul) or Fear (Ego). I recognised it as ‘truth’ then and also how hard it can be to always see the love path, it is no different in parenting; our choices can seem to be out of love (protection / kindness) but are hidden places of fear (over protection / beliefs on manners).
Listening to my soul is my spiritual mission, to help me offer myself as a more compassionate and loving mother, friend, wife, daughter and every other role I stand in. My ego is strong and has protected me for many years from pain and anxiety and it is also time to surrender. Alongside that challenge is the yang, the balance, remembering that there are moments where honouring my needs are as important, that in doing so I will be more gracious in surrender when that time comes too.