Before having my own kids, I was great with children. (Bear with me a moment…) Before kids, I would spend hours hanging out with other people’s children, they would be my company when I felt out of place at some adult shindig; they would feed my endless desire for motherhood; but mostly I just really enjoyed their honesty and refreshing energy. Then my own children arrived and the strangest thing happened, I went off everyone else’s children. I was not interested in getting to know them, or in cuddling the babes or really connecting with them on any level unless it was related to my own children somehow. I almost felt ashamed about it, such was my aversion.
Then just last week, I felt it again. I had the time and energy to think about and consider some other little mite and reignite that pleasure of interaction with some joyful Littles, besides my own. This is not the only thing that has changed recently, I have started to delve back into my wardrobe and pull out some old gems and special favourites; I take time to consider my outfits in the morning – only a few extra moments mind, but long enough to become a conscious decision rather than a flurried debacle. My husband took both my kids out for the morning last weekend and for the first time in almost 3 years I had more than a snatched moment to gather my thoughts.
I am emerging back into the world.
Why the shift? Because my youngest is 2years and 9 months old and his last tooth just came through.
Through observation, I believe that 2.5 to 3 years old is a major developmental turning point in our children. I noticed it in my eldest but was already heavily pregnant with my second so was unable to reap the rewards for myself. This time round, there is no baby in my belly and I feel myself returning. My youngest can now be distracted or delayed from a boob appointment if I need to do something else; he can spend time with Daddy because he wants to not because I’m trying to off load him for a moment; he can communicate with me to a level high enough that we can actually resolve some issues with relative ease; he is still attached but he is beginning the slow transition out into the world himself.
I write this because it feels so great to emerge again, to breathe the air of my own needs and desires, and because I know for all those mamas out there wanting to parent naturally having a long term guide is actually so helpful and reassuring. I know I’ve got at least another year of breastfeeding, but lay that against the 5.5 consecutive years I have done already and that’s a walk in the park. I know that, if I had known that once all the teeth come in everything shifts and relaxes a little, I wouldn’t have spend months wondering if I was doing the right thing with this, at times intense, demand feeding. I know that when I told a friend recently, with her 6 month old, that she only had a couple of years till the crazy nights settled down, I could hear her sigh with relief, because it sounds like a lot but actually it’s just knowing that feels better, feels manageable, feels able to surrender to.
So I emerge back into this world, enjoying my few moments of fresh air when I am welcoming back myself and feeling so grateful for having trusted my kids needs and instincts in letting our attachment unfold quietly, gently, slowly, peacefully.