There are so many beautiful gifts that my children bring to my life as well as many challenging and hard lessons. One of my latest observations is how blinded I, and others, can be to the simple truths and beauty when weighted down with expectations.
My husband and I are trying to use ourselves as ‘models’ for our children rather than disciplinarians. This is based on the theory that as children naturally imitate, there is very little need for enforced teaching which can be confusing, suppressive and at times controlling, rather let the innate nature of development flow.
The challenges with this method is that as a society we have created our standards of etiquette and politeness that are sometimes premature for developing souls.
We have stopped asking our children for please and thank yous and instead model them. It ensures, from my part, that I am more conscious of imparting my gratitudes and I am enjoying the subtle rewards that brings personally. For my daughter, she has responded as theorised. She uses them as part of her natural speech pattern without weight or conscious intent. However, there are moments when social situations ‘demand’ these etiquettes and she has not had enough experience or modelling to ‘deliver’.
What I have observed in these moments is how the energy of expectation is heavy in the air, some try to demand words from my daughter, some leave loaded silences to fill, others sigh, nudge, judge. And then they miss it… They miss the natural moment that is more poignant, more beautiful than any prescribed adage.
My daughter may open presents without stopping to admire, administer, thank etc but a little while later she will return to each gift to examine and explore and appreciate. Appreciate. She really does, isn’t that what ‘thank you’ is all about?
Other times I have heard ‘please’ being requested and items withheld until the magic words are spoken. Yet moments later my daughter has expressed thoughtfulness and compassion towards someone that far outweighs her basic request for a snack or water without courtesy.
My daughter, and every child, is naturally kind, naturally appreciative, naturally generous. Yet all too often we are blinded by our need for them to be polite to see the true balance of virtue.