Today would have been my father’s 100th birthday. He died over seven years ago (Goodbye Daddy) and during those years since, my relationship with him has changed and evolved so much as to be nearly unrecognisable.
He wasn’t a wonderful father on the human plane; he was a colourful, fascinating, eccentric and clever man but not one to pay real attention to his children’s needs on any level. He stopped contributing financially to my upbringing when I was around 10 (and my brother 12) leaving my mother to carry that load of food, clothes and education. I didn’t have conversations with him about my hopes and dream and feelings and that breathtaking song by Luther Vandross ‘Dance with my Father’ makes me yearn achingly, with every listen, for a father that never existed.
I could go on about his faults and failings but I have forgiven them all. For now, in spirit, he has his hand on my back with each and every step. I feel his presence so keenly in all the moments that I need him. I hear his evolved wisdom and his humble and unconditional love. He protects my children and guides our paths with all the passion of one who knows and owns how much he didn’t do during human life.
Many might struggle to hear these words, to think I have projected a wish fulfilment on an empty entity. And they could be absolutely right. But it’s not what I believe, and feel and hear and see.
I see the transformation of a spirit, who held such deep and painful wounds, become the light that they were born with. I see all the very best of his personality merge with the grace of divinity and, with that, offering to make amends with his energy and connection.
I have known a lot of death and each spirit holds their own way of being in the next plane. Some are close, some distant, some have learned all they need to, others will return for further lessons. Some are restful, some restless and some visit, whilst others have moved on and past.
My father is resolutely here and I am deeply grateful for that. So today I honour his 100th birthday with so much love, so much joy and so much peace.
Happy Birthday Daddy. 💗