I am currently caught up in a dynamic where someone has decided that I’m bad. So much so that no matter what I say, don’t say, do, don’t do I can see them weave the information to fit their story of how they are perceiving me right now.
Ultimately there is nothing I can do to shift their perspective and it’s their prerogative to feel their feelings. But whilst mulling it over recently I saw how easily and often this happens; where one discomfort or upset leads to the write off of an entire personality.
I have been guilty of this myself but having it done to me in such clear terms where I know I can only fail, no matter which choice or action I take is a beautiful cautionary tale to absorb. I feel determined to remember the good parts even when I’m struggling with someone’s flaws (or perhaps just my judgement and perception of them after all!).
I have always preached it to my children, that a difficult personality trait or behaviour does not define an entire human but this personal lesson really inspires me to try to separate the issue from the soul. I might still choose to walk away from a friendship or relationship because of certain events but I am determined to be more mindful that I don’t colour their entire being with a tarnished brush, particularly when I have known or loved previous parts of them.
We were all once just the most delicious perfect little babies and that core essence remains in everyone. So as much as triggers and clashes will inevitably happen in life, seeing the gold behind each shadow is a heartening and uplifting state to be in and one that I intend to put into good practice.
First published on social media on 17th May 2023