humanity – Soul Reflection

A Cautionary Tale

I am currently caught up in a dynamic where someone has decided that I’m bad. So much so that no matter what I say, don’t say, do, don’t do I can see them weave the information to fit their story of how they are perceiving me right now.

Ultimately there is nothing I can do to shift their perspective and it’s their prerogative to feel their feelings. But whilst mulling it over recently I saw how easily and often this happens; where one discomfort or upset leads to the write off of an entire personality.

I have been guilty of this myself but having it done to me in such clear terms where I know I can only fail, no matter which choice or action I take is a beautiful cautionary tale to absorb. I feel determined to remember the good parts even when I’m struggling with someone’s flaws (or perhaps just my judgement and perception of them after all!).

I have always preached it to my children, that a difficult personality trait or behaviour does not define an entire human but this personal lesson really inspires me to try to separate the issue from the soul. I might still choose to walk away from a friendship or relationship because of certain events but I am determined to be more mindful that I don’t colour their entire being with a tarnished brush, particularly when I have known or loved previous parts of them.

We were all once just the most delicious perfect little babies and that core essence remains in everyone. So as much as triggers and clashes will inevitably happen in life, seeing the gold behind each shadow is a heartening and uplifting state to be in and one that I intend to put into good practice.

First published on social media on 17th May 2023

Reclaiming My Body

I have been listening to the searingly honest, heart opening & breaking podcast (on Psilocybin) by Honestly Elizabeth and much of her experience resonates for me on so many planes.

One of the things it really crystallised was how much the sexual abuse by my father disassociated me from my body. When I reflect back on later abuses and relationships, I can see clearly how I would so often reach a point of coercion; when someone wanted more from me than I really wanted to give, in both consensual and non consensual situations, I could observe my spirit step back and allow my body to be taken. The subtlety of this is hard to describe and I think in many, if not most, of these scenarios, the man could be forgiven for believing that I had given permission rather than simply acquiescing, which would be more accurate.

My body was a trade, I gave it, it appeased. I think this is why the ‘me too’ movement is so complex. I believe many many women surrender to appease rather than truly give permission but how can someone know that? I cannot blame all the men, certainly there were some at fault, pushy, domineering, scary even, but there were other who were sweet and thoughtful, who simply triggered my neuro-programming to submit, as my father had taught me.

Part of my healing today is to fully reclaim my body as mine, to integrate it as an essential part of my whole. And, as is so often the case when trying to restore balance, a counter weight is required. Now, I need absolute trust, safety and respect before I can consider offering my sacred self. And I also teach my children that sharing their bodies with anyone, when they reach that age and stage of life, is a sharing of spirit and how important it is to be in loving and trusting energy with that person.

Our society devalues sexual intimacy at great cost to our souls and it perpetuates this separation of body and spirit. The current vogue of early sexualisation of children, through media, fashion, wokism et al, is truly horrifying and when measured as a splintering of soul connection can only be classed as abuse.

I only hope that a much needed and aching return to family values blossoms and this part of our lives, as a society, will also be restored to a healthier, happier connection before much more damage is perpetrated against our innocents.

And as I reconnect my splintered parts, may that be mirrored into the world and draw together those elements that need healing and connecting for all of humanity.

First published on social media on 6th February 2023

Blackout

I could have written this book. Okay, I couldn’t because the research behind it is phenomenal and I’m more of an ‘intuitive reactor where I discover the data after the event’ type, whereas Candace has all the facts at her fingertips.

But basically we are singing from the same song sheet, where radical personal accountability and responsibility married with resilience is the name of the game AND the necessary requirement for our society to start healing and moving forward. This blame/victim culture is killing our humanity, divorcing us from the strength of community and leaving us weak and exposed to the corrupt powers that be who wish to determine our paths.

We need to stop falling for these labels and movements like #metoo, BLM, white supremacy, Covid paranoia; that imitate the collective, communal tribal energies but are actually false trails into darkness, disconnect and disempowerment.

This book maybe highlighting the real struggles for Black America (and boy it was an enlightening journey of understanding) but the truth is it is entirely relevant for Western society everywhere. We need to claim back our sovereignty fast; it’s going to be uncomfortable for many and also entirely worth the self reflection.

Candace’s own moments of self reflection are incredibly humbling and, whilst this book needed to be written, it could only hold the power it does by the fact that she has walked both paths. She has been the victim and has reclaimed her true essence with a voice that is unmissably honest and vibrant.

This book is a must read to balance out the swathes of manipulated messaging beings thrust into our homes and hearts and a vital stepping stone to really recover the freedoms of our birthright for all of humanity.

First published on social media on 21st April 22

In Their Shoes…

This week I have been told that I am ‘inconsiderate’ and ‘unable to put myself in other people’s shoes’ by a close family member. It is a familiar pattern of criticism but certainly I think it’s important for me to reflect on it and see where my truth lies within it or indeed outside of it.

I know that I could turn to a friend or two who would say the exact opposite and hotly defend me to boot but that’s the way of the world anywhere isn’t it? There are always places where we can validate or oppose our views and beliefs, looking outside is simply seeking confirmation rather than creating a knowing.

So what is the truth within me? Once I would certainly have heard those words and believed them to be true; shamed and chastised myself for not being a good and kind person. Now I see them differently.

There is truth in them but not within me.

There is truth in them for the teller, their perception and beliefs mean that my actions and speech show those values or lack there of. I have not chosen the path that would reflect consideration for their feelings, logically that would indicate my inability to see their point of view, to step into their shoes.

Except of course life is far more nuanced and complicated than that. I have made conscious and thoughtful decisions as to why I will not choose that path that would be ‘considerate’ and indeed in the depths of that decision is, in my view, a consideration far more powerful and important that encompasses their well-being, their freedoms and my love for humanity.

I hope one day those will be seen but I recognise that it may also never happen. That I have to hold being judged whilst living my path with faith in my own integrity and also a humbleness to be able to accept that there is every possibility I could also one day be shown wrong in my perception.

Meanwhile I stand in my truth, which is to protect the freedoms of mind, body and soul for all of my family and for all of humanity. I do that without grandeur but with the small day to day decisions and choices that can seem so unnecessary, so petty, so inconsiderate without the bigger picture that I have in my eye-line.

So in the end I am grateful for the criticisms, they have forced me to reflect and have helped me clarify even more clearly that I stand by those values in the face of a thousand words of judgements. I will bear the bruising of those words because I know, in this moment, I am making the best and most considerate of decisions.

First published on social media on 24th January 2022

You’re Not Saving Lives

I spoke with a front line GP yesterday who wanted the word to go out about the utter devastation that is happening to our children, our future.

Our teens, the ones who cannot be shielded from the stark reality of lockdown, are suffering in unprecedented numbers. The self harm, suicide and mental health issues are through the roof and, with no end in sight to the restrictions, this is only going to get exponentially worse.

We are destroying an entire generation.

We are not saving lives with our compliance to lockdown. The numbers are clear. There has been no pandemic. We can massage the numbers in many different ways, we can try to compare this past year’s death rate to previous lighter years but the truth is in the last 20 years there have been 5 other years with higher rates. We have the presence of a virus that is affecting the same people as would be affected by any tough virus. We know who is vulnerable, we can protect that tiny population.

But the ones we are really killing are those lives who never would have been affected by the virus but are now being torn apart by the restrictions. Those who are daily losing hope and inspiration to live; who are at the very start of their lives but with no desire to continue; and those who’s life work and toil have been ripped from their hands.

Those that haven’t the tools to begin to manage the impacts of isolation, loneliness and lack of contact; those who have managed their fragile constitutions through routine and purpose and now only have chaos or limbo.

We have those who aren’t getting the medical treatment they need, because it’s not covid; they’re dying too. We have the constant degradation of our immune systems through endless fear messaging.

And all of this is in our hands. All of this is our choice too. Whether we conform to the rules and abet this heartbreaking travesty, or we stand up and restore life and humanity to our fellow beings by prioritising the core values of true living. Love, connection, community, support, autonomy, freedom….

Breaking lockdowns does not kill people; complying to them does.

#mentalhealth #lockdown #death #community #isolation #compliance #fear #suicide #humanity

First written on Social Media 24 January 2021

Christmas – An Act of Rebellion

How strange that Christmas should come to represent such a moment of defiance. How sad to have witnessed so many families go against their instinct for connection, joy and love to spend time apart, even, for far too many, completely alone.

I refuse to conform to the rules that are based on lies, distorted statistics and fear propaganda. Apparently, I should not be allowed an opinion because I’m not an ‘expert’; I should follow the rules because other people know better than me; I should not socialise in order to save people from dying a horrible, early death; I should accept data from media and governmental sources without second opinion from independent voices.

‘Shoulds’…. one thing I’ve learned well over the years is always to question a ‘should’.

Does it matter that in the 10 months of ‘pandemic’ I have not once been sick, neither worn a mask or kept my distance? Does it matter that this isn’t just pure luck but conscious, considered health choices that keep my immune system strong? Does it matter that, yesterday, whilst rebelling, we had nine for Christmas lunch, two of whom are doctors, also standing up against the lies and misrepresentation of truth and data? Does it matter that I have studied vaccines in greater depth than the majority of doctors, who usually attend one lecture on the subject in med school? Does it matter that, despite not having a university education, I was schooled in scientific thought and critical thinking? Does it matter that I look at the root of the statistics rather than the narrative they create?

Actually I believe it does. Democracy is an ideal of being governed to follow moral and community rules for the success and happiness of our country. But if that governance is based on lies and deception, it then becomes our duty to stand against it, to not follow, to redefine and create a new.

I have said from the beginning, indeed for the last decade, as I speak out about the criminal behaviour of the trillion dollar corporations dictating our lives, that the only way through this is radical personal responsibility; for our actions, choices, education and moral compass.

If connection, human touch, emotional attunement are some of the most important factors in maintaining a strong immune system, why have you just been asked to destroy those?

Disobey. Reclaim your personal responsibility, make the wise, moral, kind, loving choices that hold the very essence and fabric of our communities. You know. YOU know…..

Liberty

So far since lockdown I have deleted two friends from my FB page, I have a feeling more might follow. These people I consider to be intelligent, compassionate and open minded, yet something about the current global dynamic has shifted their perspective into an us vs them mentality. Right or wrong, black or white, no in-between. That scares me far more than a virus ever could.

I am known for my more alternative perspectives, my challenges to mainstream protocol and I speak freely about my thoughts and opinions. I believe I have that right as a human being and equally I honour the right of anyone else to express theirs no matter how much I might disagree or believe differently.

When my children squabble, they will often, and naturally, try to excuse and justify their own behaviour; ‘he said, she said’ and what I repeat ad infinitum is that it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does it doesn’t give them the right to hurt; they can defend themselves but choosing to hurt is different.

This translates into now, defend your position and beliefs all you want, form communities and support groups, but hurting someone for holding a different voice (or race or gender…. remember this?) is not ok. Being silenced is included in this.

So unless history is to be repeated, where we submitted to not only the threats of power, but also the tell-tales of our neighbours to silence us, please ensure Liberty is sacrosanct.

Liberty is not dangerous, Oppression is.

The Other Voice

When my son was two, he was hit in the face by a beach swing in Thailand and lifted clean off the ground, resulting in a deep (though thankfully small) cut just underneath his right eye. Armed with steri-strips, cleansing alcohol and Arnica, I cleaned him up, stuck him back together and smothered him with kisses, cuddles and boob!

Even with all my loving care he still looked like he’d been 10 rounds in a MMA ring and of course garnered lots of sympathy and questions from all sorts of strangers.

One Thai man came up super close to me, whilst I was carrying my son, touched his face and said something along the lines of: ‘You are very lucky, he could be blind, you need to be more careful, so close to his eye, he could have lost his eye….’ Well, you can imagine!

This was nearly five years ago and yet what that man said came to me just last week in a moment of clarity and understanding. I replayed it in my head and a monumental epiphany smacked me hard in the solar plexus.

This man was MY other voice.

The tsunami of ‘other’ voices swiftly followed; memories, reactions, hurtful & potent words or comments. All those people I have met so far along my path, whose words felt tough to integrate (good & bad), they were all just different parts of my consciousness being expressed to me loud and clear.

When that Thai man spoke to me that day, my reaction was defence. I smiled, nodded and moved quickly away; I didn’t want to hear and more importantly I didn’t want to consider that possibility that we just so nearly missed. But he was expressing my deepest fears, he was mirroring back to me the heart-stopping moment when I saw my son’s injury and all that could have been. By rejecting it, it has slept silently in the recesses of my mind to pop up now and again in moments of anxiety or fretfulness.

Now I can look at it from another angle; I can embrace it, acknowledge it, own it.

And with that comes the potential to own all of what triggers me in another’s reaction to me. When I rail against, I am only fighting myself. We are all one consciousness; one global thought with layers upon layers of truths and lies and hopes and fears.

With that solar plexus punch I realised how deeply we are all truly connected. ‘We Are One’ is not trite patter but rich and nuanced and soulful.

Imagine if each and every time we felt that defence or trigger in hearing another perspective, we reached inside and owned it as a part of us. We do not have to live it, act it or be it, but simply acknowledge that within us all we hold the infinite potentials, the full spectrum of human nature. Within us is the possibility of our worst and best selves, by embodying that we get to choose which ones to be.

Seeing Love

I advocate passionately & reverently for the resurrection of our ancient wisdom supported by modern research of neurological development; together these detail how responding to the animalistic, biological and psychological needs of our children is integral, not only to their own solid emotional, spiritual & physical health, but also to forming the foundations of a healthy society.

Everything I write about, read about, talk about, dream about draws back to this core. The requirements that reach beyond basic survival and into the depths of humanity and soul.

So I am hyper aware of the impact of my own behaviours and ancestral baggage on myself as a parent, friend, wife and therapist. I could read nuances into each word or facial reaction; I could demand that the circle around my family be restricted to only those conscious of their own wounds; I could attempt to micromanage each and every influence that enters my domain. This would all be very understandable when my heart understands the subtle ramifications that can come from the slightest tremor.

Of course this would also likely lead me to the edge of insanity, trying to control the world and environment to a place of perfection; on top of which it is hardly a good model for my children, friends or clients to ape resilience, compassion, growth, personal choice, understanding and a gazillion other amazing qualities that come from meeting conflicting ideas or ideology.

But what really hit home to me today, was that most of all I would miss seeing love in all its forms. It’s so easy to believe love comes in the form that I feel and express it in, but love is offered in a myriad of weird and wonderful ways that can only be found by opening our heart to the intention with which things are brought.

When I read articles detailing how one is supposed to be a ‘true friend’ or a ‘modern partner’, for example: don’t offer advice unless it is asked for; respect my boundaries at all times; don’t use emotionally sensitive language without first checking for permission; don’t use physical touch without explicit approval….

This…. this drives me batty. If I took all this on board I would be have to be the worst ever friend. Except I’m not. I’m a good friend and I frequently offer advice without first checking because that is one of my primary ways to show and express my love (Acts of Service). I am able, mostly, to perceive if my advice is unwanted and shut up, but not everyone is and yet they might still be offering the very depths of their love. Other people might smother people with hugs and kisses when actually space is wanted; perhaps there are friends that come and tidy up your house leaving you feeling a bit slovenly in their company; others can be effusive with their words, showering you with compliments and affirmations that to you feel hollow and meaningless; another might buy you a gift when all you really wanted was them not to cancel the plans.

It is so so so easy to see the worst in people rather than the best. It is so easy to miss love.

Do I want my world to be a microcosm of connected, joyful and loving intention? Absolutely. Is that going to be reflected if I limit that to just those that follow my form? Boundaries are important, safety is important but should they come at the expensive of seeing the true depths of someone’s heart and intention? Isn’t this world crying out for more love not less?

Today I offered my love to someone and it was utterly rejected, it wasn’t in the right form for them and they reacted to it negatively rather than positively, and I thought of all those people in the world that are getting shouted down, shut down or ignored for showing love in the ‘wrong way’. Awareness, consciousness and growth are beautiful potentials that bloom more powerfully when wrapped in compassion, forgiveness and understanding.

Yesterday, I told off my eldest for yabbering to my youngest when he had so clearly asked for space and quiet, today I see how she was just offering love….

Today I am seeing love.