Tag: worry

Sleep and Sleeplessness

One of the things I love about reading books from my father’s collection is how I reach back in time to thoughts and wisdom often now supplanted by modern theory. One of the elements that I find lacking in current scientific discourse is the spiritual and unknown aspects of life, whereas work from the early 1900’s so often has a greater holistic and curious perspective which feels much more aligned to reality to me.

This delightful book is chock full of wonderful nuggets of wisdom, particularly as both my daughter and I have a tendency for sleep disturbance and insomnia. (Though I might have to investigate further the theory that cucumbers are a potential cause of nightmares before I can concur on that one!)

It was also full of fascinating tales of premonitions or subconscious wisdom being imparted through dreams, from lost treasures found, to deaths felt before news had arrived. The sort of stories that utterly entrance me and are far too numerous and detailed to be able to be dismissed as mere coincidence.

And in conclusion, after much practical analysis, the author also highlights how important faith and prayer is for the peace of mind required for a good and restful night’s sleep. Now that is the kind of scientific ponderings that I can really relate to.

First published on social media on 14th August 2022

I’ll Always Worry

Twice this week, I have had comments laid at my feet that somehow my expression of mother concern is ‘too much’.

Now I agree that helicopter / smothering mummy is not a good look, nor indeed a healthy option, but judging a mama for being a mama…. now that’s just insanity.

I am always going to worry if my kids have got the right clothes when the weather changes and I’m not there. I am always going to worry that these fragile dynamics of friendships, as they twist and turn into their own unique beings, are upsetting or hurting them. I am always going to worry whether they are getting the right balance of nutrition as I insist on chicken broth and treat them with ice cream.  I am always going to worry about those times when I said ugly words or shouted too loud, that perhaps broke them a little. I am always going to worry if I’m doing the best for my children, holding strong boundaries and gifting freedom of spirit.

It’s my job.

I’m a mama.

So please don’t tell me to relax, or step back or any of those casual utterances that seem to belittle my role. Because more than anything, you don’t see how much I hold my tongue when they tell me about the kid at school who slaps or whispers; how I look at their naked limbs in the icy wind and remind myself that it’s their body; or how much guilt I feel for not knowing what I know now!

You do not see how much I let them go when I ache to hold them tight; that I find ways to help them explore risk and adventure when my heart is beating hard in my throat.

And when I spew my anxieties out it’s in order to clear them from my energy so that I can return to them with calm, thoughtfulness and courage.

I have worried myself into some awesome choices and discoveries as a mother. My worries have pushed me to find the hidden solution, the alternative avenue and the unique path that is creating my family.

But more than anything, these crazy, wonderful beings grew in my tummy (and even if they hadn’t), blew my world and my mind wide open to the glorious intensity of mother love and I am proud to worry about them; excited to have the responsibility of their blossoming souls; and utterly & blissfully surrendered to the knowledge that they will be front and foremost in my mind and heart for the very rest of my days.

I’ll always worry and I make no apologies for that. I have been blessed with this extraordinary job of mother and worrying is  just one small and important part of a truly magnificent whole.