Tag: resilience

Blackout

I could have written this book. Okay, I couldn’t because the research behind it is phenomenal and I’m more of an ‘intuitive reactor where I discover the data after the event’ type, whereas Candace has all the facts at her fingertips. 

But basically we are singing from the same song sheet, where radical personal accountability and responsibility married with resilience is the name of the game AND the necessary requirement for our society to start healing and moving forward. This blame/victim culture is killing our humanity, divorcing us from the strength of community and leaving us weak and exposed to the corrupt powers that be who wish to determine our paths. 

We need to stop falling for these labels and movements like #metoo, BLM, white supremacy, Covid paranoia; that imitate the collective, communal tribal energies but are actually false trails into darkness, disconnect and disempowerment. 

This book maybe highlighting the real struggles for Black America (and boy it was an enlightening journey of understanding) but the truth is it is entirely relevant for Western society everywhere. We need to claim back our sovereignty fast; it’s going to be uncomfortable for many and also entirely worth the self reflection. 

Candace’s own moments of self reflection are incredibly humbling and, whilst this book needed to be written, it could only hold the power it does by the fact that she has walked both paths. She has been the victim and has reclaimed her true essence with a voice that is unmissably honest and vibrant. 

This book is a must read to balance out the swathes of manipulated messaging beings thrust into our homes and hearts and a vital stepping stone to really recover the freedoms of our birthright for all of humanity. 

First published on social media on 21st April 22

The Empathy Trap

It is always hard to write a blog where I have to reflect on my mistakes as a parent. My ego screams to keep it silent but my spirit yearns to share and offer it of service to others.  A mighty battle within.

My parenting philosophy is deeply embedded with the principle of empathy; of feeling and understanding my children’s perspective, in order that I can help guide them and support them through their journey.

I still think this is deeply important.

Yet I have discovered a trap in this idealised path… something that harms rather than helps my children on their journeys. It has been particularly highlighted by one child whom has a fight reaction tendency when misunderstood. When they have lashed out I have nearly always seen and understood the route to that explosion. I have watched and witnessed the unfolding of communication crashes and mix ups. And so I have helped explain that to others. I have spoken their feelings and shown how and why they have reached melt down. I did this to model to them how to verbalise their frustrations and recognise their own triggers.

And it has worked. They can verbalise and can recognise but they can also excuse themselves. ‘I hit because they annoyed me.’

And I have explained that excuses are not ok, there is no justification for violence unless in defence of life and soul. But they keep coming. These excuses. By fully empathising I have taught that there is some implicit permission in their reaction, I have fed this attitude of vindication.

So I have reflected. I have looked out into the world at the excuses and demands for empathy being thrown out constantly in society; I have looked within at the balance of compassion and discipline triggers from my past and I realise that on this honourable path of affinity I have let resilience slide.

Because resilience is a key tool for life. Resilience is the ability to carry on in the face of all adversity, including that of being misunderstood.

When I look out into the world and see the screams and cries of so many begging to be understood, to be re-labelled, re-defined and then crumbling and collapsing when others don’t want to, don’t have to, don’t like to; there I see a dearth of resilience. It is not for us to demand someone’s understanding, it is for us to know that we are still enough without it.

So now I have some work to do. My children are thankfully young and resilient enough to flow with my mistakes; we learn together. I hope the rest of the world can too.