Tag: Spirituality

When The Drummers Were Women

This book falls in two parts for me. The first is a little disappointment. I found it a bit dry and would have preferred more anecdotal or even mythical stories rather than a catalogue of historical references. Added to that I think the object of highlighting feminine power and spirituality connected to drumming, whilst worthy and valid, felt over inflated when matriarchy was lauded and patriarchy demonised. Off balance, to sum it up.

However, the richness of the topic itself helps to override my critique and having had my own experience playing a frame drum and, without any context or lead in, found myself transported to my ancestral lineage, there is certainly more power in the energy of drumming than solely the creation of simple music. 

With the renewed call for sound healings, gong baths and the like, added to my own dive into the possibility of sound and vibration being the uber technology that could have been the core power behind previous advanced civilisations, there is unquestionably a theme energetically. 

Connecting to our vibrations and nature’s, whether to influence weather, call a swarm of bees, heal wounds or cut rock, reveals an untapped and unresourced power yearning to be released. I feel society is heading back to reclaiming it all and I’m thankful and excited for that. 

And I wouldn’t mind finding my own frame drum along the way… 

First published on social media on 22nd May 2023

Whatever Arises Love That

I picked this book off the top of my pile in January, read two pages of the introduction and put it down again. I did not want to love whatever arises because what had just arisen the previous month was painful and upsetting. So I went back to my fiction pile and read four in a row! 

And then I picked it up again last week… I begin with ambivalence, moved onto passionately loving it, decided I wasn’t quite sure about it, back to ambivalence and then ending with a fondness and appreciation. I can well imagine that if Matt Kahn reads this blog he will giggle as he recognises my ego poking out to resistance and creating this pattern. 

There is a lot of permission in this book to not have to spirituality override the tough feelings and I like that a lot because…. Human. 

And yet I still felt the pressure of gracious non-reacting to challenges (and yes, I know love that feeling too!) as my ultimate spiritual goal. Which of course it is, but also maybe when I’m 90. The truth is I don’t know whether I believe our human life is about achieving this state or whether that’s just my ego in resistance again. I personally feel like our human experience is raw and real and we get to be godly and gracious a lot in between lives and whilst I wholly agree in loving all the feelings, most especially the messy and unwanted ones, I don’t think I’m going to make it to zen master in the next 40 years. Can I sit still and listen with love when someone is telling me that it’s cool to jab kids with experimental poison? Nah! Part of my purpose in this world is to speak up, to challenge, to confront. Can I learn to do it better? One thousand percent. And with that, there are tonnes of wonderful guides and pointers that this book offers. (The photos show just a snippet.)

Do I think we are awakening to a new consciousness? Absolutely! Though will it be all high vibe? I’m not so sure. For me, humanness is about opposing forces, leaning about the Ying and Yang, experiencing the polarities to deepen our universal wisdom and understanding. I love books, like this, that help me meet all of those with the best possible energy and I also resist the intention to end up passively loving ALL that arises. 

In toto, full of delights and insights, and whatever your view on our human experience, there’s never any harm in leaning how to love better. Thanks Matt for a beautifully confronting read. 

First published on social media on 23rd February 2023

Our Achilles

Yesterday, I watched the podcast between Russell Brand and Brene Brown and loved it, of course. 

Totally my thing, discussions on vulnerability and spirituality, boundaries of steel and the state of our global society. Meaningful, heartfelt, humourous and enlightening. 

I was nodding happily along to it all right up until the last five minutes when Russell asked Brene’s advice on parenting. And then I was thrown. 

I was thrown, not only because Brene’s advice was so contrary to my own views (and that is totally ok btw, this is not a judgement conversation) but because her philosophy to parenting seemed so opposed to the rest of her OWN philosophy. 

Let me extrapolate, my understanding of her work on vulnerability and shame can also be looked at through the lens of control. Vulnerability being the release of control and shame protection being all about control.  And yet here I was hearing Brene recommend what she called ‘choice parenting’ or Choice Theory. The principle of which is to give the children a choice to make…  the basic premise being to continue with their ‘unacceptable’ behaviour and face a consequence OR stop.

Again, I want to hold this discussion without judgement but as a musing of ideas. 

I frequently use choice with my kids but with certain differences. Occasionally I use it because something is non negotiable usually to do with physical or emotional safety. More often than not I use it to get my own way, for example ‘please close your mouth whilst your eating or I will have to take away your ice cream’. This is control. 

I know it, I recognise it and I really really try not to do it because ultimately I am inflicting my utterly subjective values on someone else. Another important element to this principle is age appropriateness and development, what age are children able to understand and rationalise choice? When I heard Brene discuss constructive choice offers with wayward teens, there may still be  background (and necessary?) control but I get that it can create immediate mediation and lead to thoughtful discussions. However when suggesting offering a choice to a tantrum-ing 2/3 year old – calm down or we leave the restaurant, I baulk. That is not a choice a small person can make fairly nor is it in anyway modelling vulnerability. 

With the very best of intentions, work and graft, I moderate my feelings to be thoughtful and kind but when I get utterly overwhelmed by life’s happenings they sometime go awry. Sometimes I lose my temper, sometimes I’m just a bit grouchy and snappy. I have ‘a choice’ in how I express these yet frequently my thinking choice is retrospective, it comes after the event (I blame my Italian ancestry and Scorpio birth alignment – I maybe just a touch fiery at times!). When my feelings overwhelm me, I make a point of reflecting on them, being vulnerable about their root cause and making amends. Because I’m human and flawed and that’s ok. 

Now if I, as a fully qualified and fairly reasonable adult, have moments of overwhelm, what can we expect of our little ones? Sure they may need to be taken out of a restaurant for a cuddle and calm down, to help them re centre and restore their spirit, but isn’t the ‘choice’ of removing them permanently, as a consequence of being totally vulnerable, not only punishing and shaming but also almost impossible for them to process?!?

Do you feel the contradiction like I do? 

But this isn’t about making Brene wrong because she and I are both making parenting choices from our very best intentions despite our differences. It’s about our Achilles Heel. 

It about the fact that we all have one; we can be so utterly clever and kind and wise and human and also make choices that contradict ourselves, are incongruent, flawed and bizarre. 

I didn’t come away from this podcast thinking less of Brene (although I did yearn to speak to Russell about my perspective too!), I actually came away thinking more of her. She became more relatable and more real to me and absolutely more attainable as a vision for myself. 

I don’t have any academic qualifications (zip, nada, none) so I am easily cowed to believe that I have nothing to validate my viewpoint or opinion, despite instinctively feeling that actually I have some cool things to share. 

Watching the podcast yesterday reminded me that it’s not about the degrees and letters after the name but simply about the conversation, Achilles and all.

So let’s keep talking…