control – Soul Reflection

Broken

This photograph makes me weep. Where has my beautiful world gone? The one where common sense and common decency prevailed above all the idiosyncratic crazy’s.

There is always chaos, there is always darkness. Life wouldn’t be life without the contrast and the shadow. I have borne witness to and been part of plenty and been so grateful retrospectively for the insight, healing and wisdom it offers.

One day I will feel the same about now, but right now I am crying for the cold, alienating, separating choices that so many, too many, are embracing to protect themselves from an exaggerated fear.

I am crying for all the babies, all the beautiful, wonderful children that are growing up right now thinking life is unsafe and threatening. That are being shown by their mentors and guides to fear their bodies and the bodies of others; to fear each other.

I am crying for the irrevocable harm being caused to all these divine bodies through the mistaken belief that experimental poison could protect them.

This heroic man’s face, lifted to the sun, lifted to the heavens above, being physically forced to mask, to inhibit his very source and energy for control and dictate.

This has broken me today.

May I rise stronger tomorrow to begin again and continue to stand for our freedoms, our breath, our light and our love.

#darkness #chaos #control #masks #freedom #choice #love #light #divine #hope #tears

First Written on Social Media 9 May 2021

The Mist

In the Percy Jackson book series (by Rick Riordan and which I have been reading alongside my daughter) the mortals can’t see all the crazy that happens with the gods, demigods and monsters because of a hazy mist.

The mist distorts their perception of events so that they can remain within their comfortable concept of reality. Yet again truth seeming stranger than fiction, or perhaps just parallel, when I draw the comparison of this to our current global situation.

Occasionally, in the story, there are a few rare mortals who can look through the screen and are able to see the alternate timeline that is defining the events; indeed one could name it ‘the truth’.

Is that where we are at now in society? Is there a mist that is filtering reality into a more comfortable perception? Is it easier to see that the governments across the world are just bumbling inadequates that aren’t handling a pandemic well than wonder why, with all our expertise in so many fields, this has been mishandled so atrociously? Is it easier to think that there is a deadly virus that is beyond our body’s natural ability to handle than to take true personal responsibility for our well being? Is it easier to defame all uncomfortable opinions as ‘far right’ so that child trafficking and forced medical procedures are just manipulative propaganda rather than horrific realities that need addressing stat?

Is there really such a mist? Am I, and my tribe, blessed or cursed with the gift to see through it? Or are we the one who’s vision is filtered through a smoke screen?

I can only speak for what feels true to me and, without an element of boast, I believe I have a natural truth detector that beeps loudly. It’s not that I always know what the truth is but I generally have a fair sense of when I’m being lied to. I have many classic and retrospectively amusing examples of catching out rogue boyfriends with this inbuilt signal! (For another blog perhaps.) AND mixed in with that is a desire to always feel and believe the best in people, so it’s not as if I’ve never been deceived, but in hindsight my detector has always beeped, though I may have silenced it for the desire to believe in a brighter vision.

My lie detector started sounding in January, at the very beginning of this particular pandemic story. It was actually quite hard to justify my opinion at that point as it was predominantly intuitive, nobody had any real facts, but it was as if I was seeing through the mist with absolute clarity. Ever since, that initial vision has only been confirmed on a daily and monthly basis, I knew CV was not a virus to be afraid of. What I didn’t know was why it was being used to frighten us into submission.

I still don’t have a clear answer to that but I do feel that more layers are being peeled back and more mist is dissolving at a rate of knots. I see that the power lies beyond the puppetry of the governments and in the hands of some disturbed but powerful humans. I can see sociopathy and psychopathy on a far grander scale than I ever believed possible, though with my understanding of early years parenting, I sadly recognise how easily and naively this has been created.

But I think my biggest frustration has to be this god damn mist. How is it that so many are continuing in a narrative that denies these truths? That can swap deaths for cases and continue to drown in fear; controlled, submissive and accepting. Human rights abuses, emergency laws permitted, freedoms stripped, truths censored. Mist. Mist. Mist.

But I will take hope from the tales of Percy Jackson, where is is the few that can truly see that conquer the monsters, despite the general population not even recognising the danger they are in.

To triumph over evil takes a steadfast belief in truth, love and faith and that magical ability to see beyond the intoxicating mist of lies. And there are enough of us that can hold all of that and more as we rise to the challenge of today.

Our Achilles

Yesterday, I watched the podcast between Russell Brand and Brene Brown and loved it, of course.

Totally my thing, discussions on vulnerability and spirituality, boundaries of steel and the state of our global society. Meaningful, heartfelt, humourous and enlightening.

I was nodding happily along to it all right up until the last five minutes when Russell asked Brene’s advice on parenting. And then I was thrown.

I was thrown, not only because Brene’s advice was so contrary to my own views (and that is totally ok btw, this is not a judgement conversation) but because her philosophy to parenting seemed so opposed to the rest of her OWN philosophy.

Let me extrapolate, my understanding of her work on vulnerability and shame can also be looked at through the lens of control. Vulnerability being the release of control and shame protection being all about control. And yet here I was hearing Brene recommend what she called ‘choice parenting’ or Choice Theory. The principle of which is to give the children a choice to make… the basic premise being to continue with their ‘unacceptable’ behaviour and face a consequence OR stop.

Again, I want to hold this discussion without judgement but as a musing of ideas.

I frequently use choice with my kids but with certain differences. Occasionally I use it because something is non negotiable usually to do with physical or emotional safety. More often than not I use it to get my own way, for example ‘please close your mouth whilst your eating or I will have to take away your ice cream’. This is control.

I know it, I recognise it and I really really try not to do it because ultimately I am inflicting my utterly subjective values on someone else. Another important element to this principle is age appropriateness and development, what age are children able to understand and rationalise choice? When I heard Brene discuss constructive choice offers with wayward teens, there may still be background (and necessary?) control but I get that it can create immediate mediation and lead to thoughtful discussions. However when suggesting offering a choice to a tantrum-ing 2/3 year old – calm down or we leave the restaurant, I baulk. That is not a choice a small person can make fairly nor is it in anyway modelling vulnerability.

With the very best of intentions, work and graft, I moderate my feelings to be thoughtful and kind but when I get utterly overwhelmed by life’s happenings they sometime go awry. Sometimes I lose my temper, sometimes I’m just a bit grouchy and snappy. I have ‘a choice’ in how I express these yet frequently my thinking choice is retrospective, it comes after the event (I blame my Italian ancestry and Scorpio birth alignment – I maybe just a touch fiery at times!). When my feelings overwhelm me, I make a point of reflecting on them, being vulnerable about their root cause and making amends. Because I’m human and flawed and that’s ok.

Now if I, as a fully qualified and fairly reasonable adult, have moments of overwhelm, what can we expect of our little ones? Sure they may need to be taken out of a restaurant for a cuddle and calm down, to help them re centre and restore their spirit, but isn’t the ‘choice’ of removing them permanently, as a consequence of being totally vulnerable, not only punishing and shaming but also almost impossible for them to process?!?

Do you feel the contradiction like I do?

But this isn’t about making Brene wrong because she and I are both making parenting choices from our very best intentions despite our differences. It’s about our Achilles Heel.

It about the fact that we all have one; we can be so utterly clever and kind and wise and human and also make choices that contradict ourselves, are incongruent, flawed and bizarre.

I didn’t come away from this podcast thinking less of Brene (although I did yearn to speak to Russell about my perspective too!), I actually came away thinking more of her. She became more relatable and more real to me and absolutely more attainable as a vision for myself.

I don’t have any academic qualifications (zip, nada, none) so I am easily cowed to believe that I have nothing to validate my viewpoint or opinion, despite instinctively feeling that actually I have some cool things to share.

Watching the podcast yesterday reminded me that it’s not about the degrees and letters after the name but simply about the conversation, Achilles and all.

So let’s keep talking…