Tag: Fear

State of Health

Our current climate is a state unprecedented in our living history. This is a first for us all. The concept of ourselves as global neighbours never more highlighted by the spread of sickness between hundreds and thousands of miles and yet nearly instantaneously.

Personally, it is telling me something about our state of health. The fear of this virus is beyond reason not because it is not having an unfathomable impact, which it is, not because there are sadly many deaths, but because the majority do not understand, are not empowered in their own health.

When my daughter was one, she had her first taste of refined sugar. I was impressed with myself that I had kept her away from it until then and felt pride that her first year had been untarnished by it, but she had to live in the real world after all, so what is a slice of cake for a one year old?

Except that her nose started running within twenty minutes. Of course, I didn’t notice that association immediately but after only a few more occasions like that I began to see the pattern.

At that time, I already had a relatively good concept of health and balanced nutrition but the immediate attempt for her little robustly healthy body to detox was a sign to dive in further.

And I am still learning, ten years later, I have more to discover and practice. I am currently reading Weston A Price’s book ‘Nutrition and Physical Degeneration’ which is the most extraordinary global study of health in the indigenous cultures that had (in the 1930’s) met little or no influence from the modern food culture. The markers of incredible health in these communities and how they deteriorate within one generation when introduced to processed flour, refined sugar and tinned produce is inescapable.

But this is my research, this is how I hold my family in good health, why my children have never required antibiotics, and my husband and I have not touched them for more than a decade. Likewise any other pharmaceutical products. No pain killers, no cold or flu medications, nothing. I am not opposed to them, I just have had no need of them. Life or Death, I would welcome the acute care; day to day I look after my family with nutrition, ancient wisdom and supportive, rather than suppressive, remedies.

I am empowered in my health and that of my children. I know that they can get sick, especially in winter time with the lack of sunshine, too much time indoors, pollution and imperfect diets (outside of my remit). And I know how to support their systems to help them heal back into good health again.

So the appearance of a new virus, no matter how virulent or hard does not scare me. I am not avoiding the possibility that we may contract it but I am prepared for it if we do.

I do see how scared other people are and I know so much of it is because they are disempowered in understanding their own health and well being. So whilst it may be wise to slow down a little, take a bit more space, remember good hygiene, most of all it’s important to learn to understand our own bodies. To discover what works for our systems and what doesn’t, what nourishes, what poisons. That fear itself represses our vitality.

Our bodies have an incredible drive for survival and can create the most extraordinary healing under the worst of circumstances; so just imagine what they could be like under the best of circumstances. Imagine how vital you could be.

But it is up to each individual to author their own life, by relying on authority to tell us how to be well, we have lost all notion of our own strength. Take the wisdom that resonates for you, listen with an open mind and heart to those whose lives are an expression of joyous health.

Learn, grow, empower yourself back to the possibility of facing times like this with assurance, trust and knowledge.

There are huge gifts waiting to be claimed from this time of dis-ease. Will you take yours?

The Other Voice

When my son was two, he was hit in the face by a beach swing in Thailand and lifted clean off the ground, resulting in a deep (though thankfully small) cut just underneath his right eye. Armed with steri-strips, cleansing alcohol and Arnica, I cleaned him up, stuck him back together and smothered him with kisses, cuddles and boob!

Even with all my loving care he still looked like he’d been 10 rounds in a MMA ring and of course garnered lots of sympathy and questions from all sorts of strangers.

One Thai man came up super close to me, whilst I was carrying my son, touched his face and said something along the lines of: ‘You are very lucky, he could be blind, you need to be more careful, so close to his eye, he could have lost his eye….’  Well, you can imagine!

This was nearly five years ago and yet what that man said came to me just last week in a moment of clarity and understanding. I replayed it in my head and a monumental epiphany smacked me hard in the solar plexus.

This man was MY other voice.

The tsunami of ‘other’ voices swiftly followed; memories, reactions, hurtful & potent words or comments. All those people I have met so far along my path, whose words felt tough to integrate (good & bad), they were all just different parts of my consciousness being expressed to me loud and clear.

When that Thai man spoke to me that day, my reaction was defence. I smiled, nodded and moved quickly away; I didn’t want to hear and more importantly I didn’t want to consider that possibility that we just so nearly missed. But he was expressing my deepest fears, he was mirroring back to me the heart-stopping moment when I saw my son’s injury and all that could have been. By rejecting it, it has slept silently in the recesses of my mind to pop up now and again in moments of anxiety or fretfulness.

Now I can look at it from another angle; I can embrace it, acknowledge it, own it.

And with that comes the potential to own all of what triggers me in another’s reaction to me. When I rail against, I am only fighting myself. We are all one consciousness; one global thought with layers upon layers of truths and lies and hopes and fears.

With that solar plexus punch I realised how deeply we are all truly connected. ‘We Are One’ is not trite patter but rich and nuanced and soulful.

Imagine if each and every time we felt that defence or trigger in hearing another perspective, we reached inside and owned it as a part of us. We do not have to live it, act it or be it, but simply acknowledge that within us all we hold the infinite potentials, the full spectrum of human nature. Within us is the possibility of our worst and best selves, by embodying that we get to choose which ones to be.

Literally

I have come to the conclusion that the world has become too literal.

Dogmatic science has replaced dogmatic religion and we are no better off for it.

Dogma is bad in whatever form – irony at its finest!

What I see, as indicative of this literal attitude, is the lack of softness towards each other. The words we speak or write are to be perfectly crafted or suffer being torn to shreds by baying hounds. The nuance and subtlety of life are lost in favour of documented evidence. Science is dictating how life must look, from education, medicine, child rearing and career trajectories, everything seems to have a right or wrong way defined by statistics and data. Non-conforming becomes a label of conspiracy theorist or anarchist rather than simply a different perspective.

Recently some mothers inferred that one of my children should somehow be different and I saw this ‘literal’ thread play out in their reasoning. Firstly, they couldn’t seem to grasp that children aren’t always literal (our beautiful shining lights of sanity is this crazy world), therefore strong words or adult themes were read from the adult standpoint of shocking brevity rather than understanding how children explore and play with ideas and concepts that cross their paths in a truly innocent and harmless way. Second to that was the right or wrongness that comes with this societal indoctrination, if my child behaved differently to theirs, they must label mine wrong, so that their way would still be ‘right’. No allowance for different child personalities, developmental stages, parenting influences, beliefs and values… just simple right or wrong.

And it is utterly exhausting. One of the nails in the coffin with my mother was her determination to contradict and undermine my parenting values because they were different to hers. I saw that for her, it felt like I was somehow rejecting her by choosing a different approach and I understand how easy it is to interpret that but just far more simply, I’m my own person with my own viewpoint and that is all. I don’t have to back it up with data and science and facts and figures and I don’t want you to either.

Last week, a stranger mum apologised to me because her son was standing in my pathway and gazing dreamily up towards the sky. Shockingly, I managed to take an extra moment out of my day to walk around him rather than demand him move! But it really hit me hard how that mum felt she must apologise for her naturally day dreamy little one because we have become so desperately unforgiving as a society.

The rigidity of belief is what defines dogma and be it science or religion both lose their true beauty and power under these terms. Science can be a place of magical discovery with the full allowance to release a past belief in order to welcome a new and faith offers us the gentleness of understanding and forgiveness. All so beautiful when held lightly and playfully rather than with heavy and fearful hands.

One of my most memorable lines
from Frances Hodgson Burnett’s The Secret Garden is ‘There’s nowt so queer as folk.’

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I am happy to be as queer and different to my neighbour as they are to theirs. It makes life so much more vibrant and gentle and interesting.

WTF

So last week I had one of those ‘what the f*** just happened’ moments. The sort when I think everyone’s on the same page and getting on happily and then I get smacked in the face by someone’s reaction and am sent reeling into next month.

And, in typical style, I have been reflecting on it….

So as a very quick précis, my child and their best friend had a minor falling out, nothing out of the ordinary for their age and stage. My child was feeling vulnerable and upset about the situation so I asked the other mum if we could meet before school to resolve it all before facing the day ahead. No biggie. Or so I thought….

My child started to speak to the friend but was so overcome by upset they burst into tears and asked for my help. I checked in with the friend to see if they knew what it was all about and before either of us could speak another word the mother interrupted, shooed her child away and angrily stated ‘she wasn’t having this’!

SMACK!

What the f*** just happened? Weren’t we all just gently and kindly trying to help the kids work things out?

The mother went on to state that she didn’t want her child ‘put on the spot’; that they could ‘figure it all out at school’; that I ‘shouldn’t be involved’ (facepalm!); and it went on. I goldfished for a few moments before fury hit me, my child was by this point sobbing with distress that peace hadn’t been made before school started. Honestly, whatever the perception and judgement on my way of doing things versus theirs, what left me speechless was the total lack of compassion towards another small human being. I simply cannot imagine seeing a little one (mine or anyone else’s) in such distress and refusing to help. What has happened to compassion?

So that is what I’ve been reflecting on. I am still feeling totally rageful towards the other parent but that is my journey to process and release over the coming days and weeks. And for me to find compassion for her – oh the irony!

But actually I think there is a deeper and bigger issue at stake. I believe, in general, the population are feeling pretty disempowered, taking charge of their own lives seems to be becoming a foreign concept. This feels deeply frightening and ultimately dangerous.

What I saw in this dynamic and in other recent moments has been a lack of personal responsibility, not out of malaise, but, more insidiously, out of habit. This is how our recent generations have and are being trained throughout their childhood, to pass the buck of responsibility. This litigation culture means that it’s always someone else’s fault and there is inevitably someone who can resolve the issue for them, be it teachers, parents, police, the lawyers, the government. And by always passing the buck, there is never an opportunity to learn how to handle and resolve conflict before it becomes overkill. When I brought my child to that conversation it was not only a space for them to express their fears and worries on the friendship but also perhaps to hear some hard words in return; maybe the friend was annoyed, maybe my child had done something to upset them, but there is no shame in facing our shadows and deciding how to integrate that into our psyche.

The constant avoidance of these moments not only creates this desperate place of disempowerment, where our own strength to face discomfort and challenge is never experienced and therefore not integrated fully into our beings, but with that comes this lack of compassion that I witnessed. The fear of conflict overrode natural human kindness and actually created a greater and uglier conflict than was necessary. That’s what fear is like, powerful, pervasive and ultimately distressing. In this scenario it was so strong that the other mother believed I had no right to be involved in the situation, a reflection perhaps of her feelings, if she hasn’t the power to face conflict calmly, why should I be allowed to carry it? Disempowerment demanding further disempowerment to justify their own.

Urgh, it feels like a big ugly tangle of disallowed feelings and suppressed strength. In venting conversation with my friends, I questioned ‘what happened to just having a conversation about it?’ Have we really reached a point in our society where the gloss veneer is all that is permitted?

Dark and difficult conversations are so vital to understanding the complexities of existence and humanity. Please let’s keep exploring them, it is only fear that makes them truly unpleasant.

Belief vs. Intuition

I was involved in a discussion on social media recently; one of those totally random engagements with complete strangers whom I will never cross paths with again, yet had a compelling urge to connect to for a flash of time.

One of those.

I was hooked into this one by the curiousness of her statement. She stated that her intuition has told her to have a c-section ‘knowing her baby was too big to birth’. Doctors had refused, her labour halted and off she went for her section.

Well, a few of us jumped straight onto this. ‘That’s not your intuition, that’s your belief’. We petitioned her in numerous ways to explain that her conscious or subconscious belief that she couldn’t birth big babies was leeched into her by who knows whom, but that it certainly wasn’t an innate inner knowing that told her this, babies just aren’t too big to birth.

A belief is entirely different to intuition.

She was having none of it and was enraged that we were trying to squash her intuitive vibe, which had, seemingly, proved her right.

Then I heard it again a couple of days ago, someone describing their difficult interaction and judgements towards another as an ‘intuitive response’. They ‘knew’ with absolute assurity that a stranger was a particular personality because their intuition told them so, full stop, end of story. That person was then tried and sentenced based on that intuition.

It’s a hard one. I do believe that as a western society we are certainly low on the intuitive front, we prefer solid, hard and immovable facts over anything vaguely floaty or unclear. AND I think it’s sad how squashed and dampened our intuition has become. But what exactly is our intuition?

Mine was definitely hiding in some dark recess of my forgotten self, until more recent years when I have braved the fear and poked it into the cracks of light. What I have discovered about my intuition is that it is super subtle, so used to its banishment that it is quick to flee under any cross examination. But when it does rise up, it is a moment of knowing deeply, feeling without confusion and total clarity. It’s the moment when the words fall from my heart onto the page; when I know my child’s mood by the movement of their eyes; when a sentence pours from my mouth and brings healing to a client’s soul. Subtle, gentle, quiet….

What I have learned also is that my anxiety and beliefs can pretend they are intuition, giving me countless messages to listen to and to heed, added to which they name themselves as my intuitive voice: ‘listen, this is your intuition, there’s a car coming and it’s going to run over your kids’; ‘listen, this is your intuition, that person has hair like your old abusive friend, they must be an abuser too’; ‘listen, this is your intuition, no one will like your book, don’t bother writing it’.

Except that none of those, self proclaimed intuitive memos, are really my intuition, they are simply my fears. And my fears can come true, and they can prove me ‘right’, but they are still not my intuition.

Learning to distinguish between the emotional beliefs and the inner wisdom of our intuitive selves is like unraveling two identical, twisted and impenetrable balls of yarn, anciently meshed and knotted. They look the same, feel the same, but as they unravel, one leads to heartache and one leads to happiness.

Listen carefully. Which one is speaking to you?