health – Soul Reflection

German New Medicine, GNM

German New Medicine (GNM) was first mentioned to me about 6/7 years ago and it immediately rang a chord. A principle of medicine directly correlating emotional events to our health crises.

I had connected the dots of health and emotions well over twenty years ago when I began healing myself from PCOS and the other linked gynaecological issues, but I had a limited framework that made translation to the lay person a fraught task. Many immediately defensive and rejecting of these associations not wanting to imagine that they have ‘brought on these events themselves’.

So I saved this new name in my head and placed it aside whilst I swam through the swamp of early childhood parenting, with little enough energy to stay awake past kids’ bedtime, let alone dive into the depths of a new healing modality.

But of course, synchronicity, need and the Universe called me back to it all and I’ve just spent the last couple of months reading up on the subject. I have not been disappointed and for sure my family are bored to tears at the repetition of my words with each new conversation with friends! I’m telling everyone who wants to listen!

In a tiny nutshell, each personal emotional conflict (which is different and scaled for each person) can create a primordial defensive reaction in our bodies. This is immediately marked in our brains (verifiably on MRI) and processed in the appropriate space in our body: finger, heart, ovary, ankle etc. Each space representing a different emotional need. Each event an attempt to heal the emotional shock through our physical body. As the healing progresses, the markers in our brain diminish and the body reaction eases but too often we get over involved in the symptom and create that into a concern rather than an understanding of healing.

Of course there is so much nuance and complexity to this process; my words barely do it justice. And it is something that is so important to understand for oneself – healing comes from our own personal autonomy, knowledge and power.

So I am sharing the books here as recommendations as I found it quite tricky to know where to start. Some were more helpful than others.

I would say the best place to start, anecdotal and easy to read and absorb.
A deeper look but still accessible, with more in-depth understanding of certain illness
A great pamphlet explaining the science and biology of it. More technical
This one has lots of fabulous info and also goes into the ancestral lineage of ill health, for more chronic diseases and family emotional patterns
A great dictionary to look up the various diseases and areas of the body and their emotional patterns.
More of a proving of the theories, which has its value especially for those that need facts.

In conclusion, GNM has provided the science to back up my own personal understanding after all these years and I will be fully integrating it into our family as a foundation for fearless and vital health.

First published on social media on 19th April 2023

Brutal

Ageing is brutal. I am determined to age gracefully, I look at the effects of cosmetic procedures later down the line and I know I don’t want that aesthetically, even if I could consider stuffing all those poisons into my body, which I can’t.

But these middle-ground years, before all those procedures take their hideous effects, my social peers are looking decidedly smoother and perter and younger than me.

Twinned with the bloom of my soon to be teen daughter, flawless, lithe and utterly divine, I am super conscious of my need for good lighting and flattering angles to find a picture that resembles who I remember myself to be.

Because I was pretty, not head turning beautiful, but enough to walk confidently through a bar and feel appreciated. I also used it, it was a tool, a manipulation, sometimes even a weapon. Before I discovered my greater passions of motherhood, health and truth, my looks were my validity in the world.

And so ageing is brutal.

Even though I don’t value my beauty through the same lens, it was still part of my history and my arsenal and to see it shift and change with Father Time, to catch that glance in the mirror and double take, because in my head I’m still twenty something, it’s hard.

I’m not going to lie. I struggle with it. Especially in the context of our society with the anti-ageing terrifying cosmetics that are marketed so intensely. I don’t subscribe to the philosophy of them, but it’s hard to hold the faith and trust when all around are justifying the distortion of our features as empowering.

I know this is false, in fact it makes me cringe and laugh to hear these ‘feminists’ claim they are spending their money, time and body because they’re the ultimate version of empowerment. It’s all backwards and messed up. I know this.

And I used to be pretty, young and fresh. Even without this insane pressure, I think I would struggle to lose what was once my superpower. Superficial? Yes. But part of my trauma survival, part of the fabric that got me to today, yes. I can’t deny it, remove it, change it.

I can only keep learning to love each wrinkle, each saggy bit, each pigment change. I want my children to know that ageing is so much more than visual, that is brings experience and wisdom and compassion too. And I want to represent all of that in the lines on my face, the sadness, the laughter, the life well lived and loved. Because, honestly, when I see an elderly person with all of that, they are nothing short of beautiful.

In the meantime I have to ride out the transition. And I’m finding it a little brutal.

First published on social media on 3rd June 2022

Breath

This book has brought the missing piece of the health picture that I knew I was seeking but didn’t know how to find. It is, quite simply, a revelation.

My own breath has been something that I have sensed needed attention for some years, as I noticed the breathlessness I hit when challenged or anxious, but I really didn’t have a clue where to start or of its true importance.

Then this marvel of a book crossed my path, and took its time to reach the top of my pile, but, within days of beginning, the puzzle pieces started to connect and my whole family and I are now sleeping with tape on our mouths!

My son, who had always snuffled during sleep, some nights worse than others, has slept peacefully and deeply every night since tape forces him to nose breathe; I have never felt more rested or restored by my sleep in all my forty something years. There is still work to be done to change some unhelpful daytime habits but it’s a joyous leap into an entirely new level of health and well-being that has really set us up for vibrant living, and I particularly love how it comes from thousands of years old ancient wisdom.

James Nestor writes so accessibly and sensibly that this book really is a step to health that is available to anyone and I cannot recommend his work highly enough (I have already bought five more copies to give away to friends).

As with anything, it is not the ultimate bible and he still prostates himself at the altar of antibiotics and immunisations whilst simultaneously detailing the chronic ailments of our society… having not quite joined the dots on that front. Perhaps he might be tempted to explore that avenue for his next research, for if he is as thorough with that as he has been with Breath, then he will soon create a collection worthy of any health mentor.

In the meantime, the focus on breath is everything.

First Published on social media on 16th December 2021

A Question of Morality

Just last week I had to draw my line in the sand with a family member when they made it clear that they would support the segregation of society for those that refused the poison.

They did try to soften their stance by saying full coercion of the poison would make them ‘uncomfortable’ but either poison or constant testing was acceptable.

I checked again.

Did they think that I and my immediates, their own flesh and blood, (who are healthy, vibrant, functioning members of society) should be restricted from events, restaurants, shops, education and more because we maintain the right to body autonomy?

Well the government says…

I reiterated, this is not about what the government thinks but where their own personal morals lie. I restated that I am someone who takes my health seriously and I take full personal responsibility for it.

On paper, it is starkly obvious that our own immediate families’ health statuses have huge disparities. Is that one of the reasons it feels ok to penalise families like ours? To make health out of remit, something other, out of control and therefore handing it over to ‘higher’ expertise feels better than acknowledging the cracks at home could have been avoided or healed with consciousness and effort? Is that how it is for the rest of the world? That looking at cancers, spectrum disorders, autoimmune disturbances et al would mean whole lifestyles would have to be dismantled, careers reconsidered, priorities adjusted?

So is my family to be punished for your refusal to take ownership of your life?

It is then implied that because I stray from the government narrative what I’m experiencing as my health reality cannot be true, that I’m somehow endangering people with my foolhardy attitude. Science, perspective, health is, and has always been, fluid. Multiple truths can co-exist, paradigms shift, discoveries explode beliefs. Total safety, risk free living does not exist nor is it viable.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe I will die a horrible death from my own ignorance but if you are taking poisons and wearing masks to keep you safe then it doesn’t matter if my fresh air, organic and nutrient dense food, emotional healing and spiritual reach doesn’t work for me.

So let me be. I am free, I always will be and I will not accept you trying to take that from me. It is simply a question of our own morality, to which we each have our unique standards.

My line in the sand is Freedom, both for you and for me. I hope to see you there.

They say I have no compassion

Yet my mind and heart are torn with concern for the decimation of our children’s well-being. The long term impact on their mental health from the hysterical fear messaging by those that are supposed to keep them safe.

They say I have no compassion

Yet my heart breaks for the elderly left alone, without touch or love; empty days to end their lives on, how does this protect them? Has anyone asked for their opinion, for their choices?

They say I have no compassion

But my soul weeps for the disconnection from humanity; masks, division, fear, compliance to arbitrary and harmful rules.

They say I have no compassion

Though I lie awake wondering how those whose livelihoods have disappeared before their eyes are putting food on the table and keeping a roof over their heads, at home and abroad.

I am so bemused by being told that decisions are for my freedom and protection when they are doing the opposite. Where education is being removed unless we submit to suffocating our children; where travel is threatened to be withheld unless we allow unnecessary medical procedures; where I am being pushed to use cashless finance, irrelevant to how that impacts our lives including that of our children and our privacy; that I am not free to roam my community without confrontation around masks, sanitiser, personal details.

How is any of this creating a more connected, loving community? I am not afraid of a virus that has the same impact of any other virus. Those that take personal responsibility for their health will survive without impact; those who are vulnerable will face the same risks from life as they always have.

They say I have no compassion but where is their compassion for all those suffering in order to ‘protect’ them?

The Beginning of Everything…

When I was twenty my right leg would start to sporadically swell. If I stood too long or sometimes just because, my calf would get tight and uncomfortable. I went to a lot of doctors, overnighted in hospital, and got no where. I was told I wasn’t dying, so…..

Two years later, I ended up going to a doctor in Dublin, where I was living at the time, for pain and discomfort in my lower abdomen. He palpated and told me I had a cyst. They took an ultrasound. This is your womb, they pointed, and that is your cyst…. they were the same size. I needed an operation because there was risk of it bursting or twisting and then I could die. Unlikely to be cancerous, but who knows until we’re in.

I came back to the UK, found a private gynaecologist (because the NHS said I would have to wait six months for surgery) who told me the cyst had been the cause of my leg swelling. A common occurrence, he said.

Key hole surgery, out later that afternoon and feeling good again in 24hrs. That was the plan.

Except the plan went wrong.

I bled out. Keyhole turned to emergency incision and four blood transfusions later, I survived.

And that became the beginning of everything….

I began to wake up to myself, my body, my health, my potential. Was it someone’s else DNA flowing through my blood? Was is the shock of trauma? Was is the closeness of death?

What I have come to understand for myself is that my health crisis was my awakening and I believe it holds that potential for many. My womb was infested with trauma from childhood abuse, it took a few years, but it has been cleansed and healed to become a bastion of rich womanly health and creative energy.

This moment in my life inspired me to understand health on levels far beyond the current model of mainstream medicine, restricted to symptoms and short term solutions.

What if we can allow all of our health crises to become the beginning of everything instead of the catastrophes of fear? What if we re frame disease as a call to reclaiming health and empowerment? What if each of these ailments is a gift of discovery?

Can you imagine the permission to be solely in charge of your own healing?

…. it’s the beginning of everything.

Collective Responsibility

When my children are present to another child’s unkind behaviour towards someone else, I teach them that if they stand by and witness this unkindness without action, then they are complicit in it. Their choice of action is to walk away, if they don’t feel safe or empowered enough to do differently, or to speak up for what they believe to be true, fair or kind.

Fortunately they are yet to really experience a scenario of group, collective bullying or indeed pressure, but it is this principle that I am hoping to instil in them; that even as a minority figure, they will stand in their truth.

When we stand by and witness injustice or errors of behaviour then I believe we bear collective responsibility for those actions. Though I would clarify that there is a difference between feeling disempowered to create any impact and the abdication of responsibility.

And so it is with our government, media and health service. Those organisational bodies that were created to serve the population; to inform us fairly; to empower us to create our best lives; to represent our values and beliefs; and to work with us to form our supportive and symbiotic society.

Are they doing this? Have they been serving us well during this time of suspected pandemic? How long have the collective been allowing them to furrow their own paths to the detriment of the populous?

Too long. Too long have we complained about governmental power, about media manipulation and god-like doctors who have long been divorced from the true and ancient art of healing. And yet we have accepted it all. We have stood by and witnessed ill treatment, gross negligence, abuse of power and the manipulation of language to engender fear and control.

We are collectively responsible. We can continue along this path, accept ever increasing restriction and removal of freedom or we can use the power of action to force accountability. Have we forgotten that we, the population, are far stronger, far more powerful and far more collectively wise that these small, tight circles that think they can control us?

Stand up, speak up. History does not need to be repeated. We have learned our lessons. Our collective power is unlimited, let us use it for inspirational and progressive change. Now.

Disappointed

One word keeps hitting me throughout these days of lockdown.

Disappointed.

I keep trying to push it back. Reminding myself that everyone has their own unique journey, that each person has their own truth, perceptions and understandings and the best, most constructive approach is compassion.

And then the word hits me again.

I feel such deep soulful disappointment right now.

This current global lockdown is a mirror of our individual disempowerment. Disempowered in the knowledge of our own bodies and our own health; where we can be imbued with such fear from outside that we surrender all autonomy, personal freedom and potentially medical freedom to the powers that be.

I know there is a huge swathe of society that has been suppressed through economy, racism and separatism and I really compassionately understand how much harder it is for these people to step into their power without permission and support. But I’m not talking about them.

I’m talking about circles of supposedly empowered leaders and advocates. People whom I used to hear daily, speaking up for truth and health and autonomy and freedom who have utterly surrendered to this suppression in one fatally easy step. These people have disappointed me. They were once people I admired and aspired to, whether in friendship, as peers, mentors, guides or elders. I feel let down by their willingness to accept control governed by fear, not only without a fight but with an inverse righteousness towards anyone who is challenging this horrendous power play.

I see clearly that I am having to let go, that this disappointment has pierced so deeply that those relationships will forever be tainted with it and many will not survive.

A new dawn has broken and there is a profound clarity within me as to which path I must take. I can still feel all the love and compassion for the fear these people are carrying but I can no longer hold them as aspirations or role models.

I have withdrawn myself from two significant women’s groups, which were my foundation stones on my personal development journey, to let go of these was something I could never have imagined. But I know if I cling to those bodies of fear for reasons of sentimentality, I will be absorbing that energy myself.

I will sit through this disappointment, allow it to suffuse me and move through. It is time for a cleanse like no other, to empower me to stand in my passionate truth and speak up for our global and personal freedoms.

State of Health

Our current climate is a state unprecedented in our living history. This is a first for us all. The concept of ourselves as global neighbours never more highlighted by the spread of sickness between hundreds and thousands of miles and yet nearly instantaneously.

Personally, it is telling me something about our state of health. The fear of this virus is beyond reason not because it is not having an unfathomable impact, which it is, not because there are sadly many deaths, but because the majority do not understand, are not empowered in their own health.

When my daughter was one, she had her first taste of refined sugar. I was impressed with myself that I had kept her away from it until then and felt pride that her first year had been untarnished by it, but she had to live in the real world after all, so what is a slice of cake for a one year old?

Except that her nose started running within twenty minutes. Of course, I didn’t notice that association immediately but after only a few more occasions like that I began to see the pattern.

At that time, I already had a relatively good concept of health and balanced nutrition but the immediate attempt for her little robustly healthy body to detox was a sign to dive in further.

And I am still learning, ten years later, I have more to discover and practice. I am currently reading Weston A Price’s book ‘Nutrition and Physical Degeneration’ which is the most extraordinary global study of health in the indigenous cultures that had (in the 1930’s) met little or no influence from the modern food culture. The markers of incredible health in these communities and how they deteriorate within one generation when introduced to processed flour, refined sugar and tinned produce is inescapable.

But this is my research, this is how I hold my family in good health, why my children have never required antibiotics, and my husband and I have not touched them for more than a decade. Likewise any other pharmaceutical products. No pain killers, no cold or flu medications, nothing. I am not opposed to them, I just have had no need of them. Life or Death, I would welcome the acute care; day to day I look after my family with nutrition, ancient wisdom and supportive, rather than suppressive, remedies.

I am empowered in my health and that of my children. I know that they can get sick, especially in winter time with the lack of sunshine, too much time indoors, pollution and imperfect diets (outside of my remit). And I know how to support their systems to help them heal back into good health again.

So the appearance of a new virus, no matter how virulent or hard does not scare me. I am not avoiding the possibility that we may contract it but I am prepared for it if we do.

I do see how scared other people are and I know so much of it is because they are disempowered in understanding their own health and well being. So whilst it may be wise to slow down a little, take a bit more space, remember good hygiene, most of all it’s important to learn to understand our own bodies. To discover what works for our systems and what doesn’t, what nourishes, what poisons. That fear itself represses our vitality.

Our bodies have an incredible drive for survival and can create the most extraordinary healing under the worst of circumstances; so just imagine what they could be like under the best of circumstances. Imagine how vital you could be.

But it is up to each individual to author their own life, by relying on authority to tell us how to be well, we have lost all notion of our own strength. Take the wisdom that resonates for you, listen with an open mind and heart to those whose lives are an expression of joyous health.

Learn, grow, empower yourself back to the possibility of facing times like this with assurance, trust and knowledge.

There are huge gifts waiting to be claimed from this time of dis-ease. Will you take yours?

The Death Temptation

I am writing this from a basis of my truth, something that is deeply true to my beliefs and understanding of the world and also knowing that this is not a place or a belief for many people. (It maybe wiser for some to stop reading now…)

I believe that sickness nearly always has a deep emotional cause. To be clear this is not karma or punishment, it is not that we have done anything to ‘deserve’ our sickness, but that events or situations that have created trauma in our system are the roots of dis-ease.

Therefore as part of healing it is important to treat not only the easing of physical symptoms but also an awareness of the energetic emotional block that is part of the whole story.

In this vein, I recently stepped into a curious space of feeling myself manifesting dis-ease within myself.

I had stepped into the Death Temptation.

Despite my classic moments of crass insensitivity, I do also empathetically resonate to others’ pain; tears well easily to stories of heartbreak and I feel others’ fears of loss and sadness deep within my system. So it should be no surprise to me that at times I carry the energy of my friends’ and loved-ones’ dis-eases too.

I am nearing mid life and as such, conspiring with the heavy toxicity of our western lifestyle, there is cancer and illness at too many doors right now. One in two the statistics say. I have been holding the fears and news of many and it has been hard not to hear the ‘what if’… knocking at my own door.

But the death temptation is not just about carrying the fear of physical death it is, thematically, a more deep rooted emotional block. It is a reaction to disappointment, heartbreak or loss; a battle against life itself. Death in this form is a, conscious or subconscious, power struggle towards self destruction. The message is that death is perhaps the only thing that could end the pain and exhaustion.

And this is where holistic medicine works so brilliantly for me. In the last few years I have experienced two enormous heart breaks, I have heard myself speak the words out loud ‘my heart is broken’.

Twice.

And for two very different reasons. I remember the ‘heartbreak’ of my teens and twenties, all boy related of course (!), and they were real but oh so very gentle compared to this grief that has consumed my body and soul.

And I thought I had processed them well, and I had, but not enough. I have reasoned my way through these processes and not allowed myself to acknowledge the true depth of pain they have caused within me. So when my body started showing me signs of physical discomfort that resonated with all this fear and reality of dis-ease around me, I took myself to my extraordinary and wonderful homeopath who treats the soul and heart alongside the body.

And she enlightened me to the Death Temptation, this space of choosing death over life because the pain has been to much to bear.

And she showed me another way.

ReBirth.

It is time for me to rise through the pain of loss, to claim my rightful place in the world; to live, to learn, to teach, to love.

I have faced the temptation of death and I choose transformation instead.

As always with endless gratitude to Anne .