Tag: honour

When Our Best Is Good Enough

I love how the universe aligns conversations and events so perfectly. Yesterday, I had a longed for and wonderful catch up with a dear dear friend who lives so far away. Our times together are the utmost precious and always nonstop chatter. We were discussing our children and sharing the similarities in personalities, the challenges they bring and more pertinently how we help them navigate the world. 

We were reflecting on how society places such high value on the No.1, top spot, highest rank etc. If you’re not THE best are you really good enough? And ultimately how unhealthy that feels and what a pressure it is on our children. We both have kids that can coast and rest on their very competent laurels that sometimes need a push to fulfil their personal potentials. But we also have children who can offer their very best and are not always recognised for that because despite the hard work and effort it doesn’t take them to that perceived top spot. And that’s hard to watch, the ranking is irrelevant to me, but it’s painful to see them overlooked for a simple acknowledgement of their intense efforts. 

This week was all about that for one of mine, a football camp that he was passionate about attending. Pushing himself further socially than I have even known him do. Five hours a day for four days, football everything. And I knew he was giving it his absolute all. Each day he came home and mentioned that there might be a medal at the end of the camp, a trophy even for just one kid in each group. Modestly, he didn’t expect the trophy, but wishing at least for a medal. 

And the final moment came where every child received a medal and the trophies were handed out. They praised the child about to receive it for their solid attendance, their constant hard work, their respectful attitude towards the coaches and their overall improvement. And he was honoured! Was he the very best technical player there?Probably not, but what a beautiful inspiration for him to be seen for all that he brought and all that he is. He said he felt like he was in a dream and I’m not sure that he’s stopped smiling since. 

In a world dominated by having to be the best over others, what a breath of fresh air for the best of ourselves to be celebrated instead. When our best is good enough. 

First published on social media on 7th April 2023

In Their Shoes…

This week I have been told that I am ‘inconsiderate’ and ‘unable to put myself in other people’s shoes’ by a close family member. It is a familiar pattern of criticism but certainly I think it’s important for me to reflect on it and see where my truth lies within it or indeed outside of it. 

I know that I could turn to a friend or two who would say the exact opposite and hotly defend me to boot but that’s the way of the world anywhere isn’t it? There are always places where we can validate or oppose our views and beliefs, looking outside is simply seeking confirmation rather than creating a knowing. 

So what is the truth within me? Once I would certainly have heard those words and believed them to be true; shamed and chastised myself for not being a good and kind person. Now I see them differently. 

There is truth in them but not within me. 

There is truth in them for the teller, their perception and beliefs mean that my actions and speech show those values or lack there of. I have not chosen the path that would reflect consideration for their feelings, logically that would indicate my inability to see their point of view, to step into their shoes. 

Except of course life is far more nuanced and complicated than that. I have made conscious and thoughtful decisions as to why I will not choose that path that would be ‘considerate’ and indeed in the depths of that decision is, in my view, a consideration far more powerful and important that encompasses their well-being, their freedoms and my love for humanity. 

I hope one day those will be seen but I recognise that it may also never happen. That I have to hold being judged whilst living my path with faith in my own integrity and also a humbleness to be able to accept that there is every possibility I could also one day be shown wrong in my perception. 

Meanwhile I stand in my truth, which is to protect the freedoms of mind, body and soul for all of my family and for all of humanity.  I do that without grandeur but with the small day to day decisions and choices that can seem so unnecessary, so petty, so inconsiderate without the bigger picture that I have in my eye-line. 

So in the end I am grateful for the criticisms, they have forced me to reflect and have helped me clarify even more clearly that I stand by those values in the face of a thousand words of judgements. I will bear the bruising of those words because I know, in this moment, I am making the best and most considerate of decisions. 

First published on social media on 24th January 2022

WWIII

The idea of a World War III was always a vague spectre in my consciousness. I grew up knowing that another global war would most likely mean the end of the world, nuclear battles, horror and unfathomable imagery.

Of course the world has moved on and control is no longer necessary by physical force but by psychological manipulation.

We are here right now, in the midst of WWIII.

This is a global battle of power. Minds are being won and lost at the hands of those with excessive power, ego and sociopathic ideology. More ingenious than ever, they are able to use the general populace, their foot soldiers, to form the lines of conflict, to rage and batter and beat each other with words and condemnation. All this within our own communities, on our own doorstep.

Who needs a red button? Who needs to destroy with nuclear power when we have finally realised our own individual power can be harnessed collectively for a far more efficient effect, with less environmental collateral damage.

Who needs real soldiers on the street when we can create such fear and loathing that we all police our neighbours into conforming to the new rules? For our safety.

Who needs a battlefield when the verbal bullets fly around social media, taking out the goodies and the resistance through censorship, despair and shame?

This is the final war between dark and light. Between love and hate. Between fear and faith. Truth and Lies.

It’s time to choose your side. To stand up for love, faith, truth, and light or swirl in the midst of the darkness and have your liberty, autonomy and vitally sucked out of you.

Yes the words we are hearing can be scary and yes the truth can hurt. Have courage. Step up into your noble self.

Remember our ancestors from all of our personal cultures who raised their weapons and faced their enemies head on with pride, honour and integrity. Raise your beacon of light and ride into our new future together, where love and truth always prevail.

Values

I was recently challenged to ‘contribute’ more to my family through the means of bringing in income. It was directed at me with the implication that all I do is live off my husband and swan about.

Naturally, I felt hurt and insulted.

I work hard. Most days the only time I get to sit down between 6.30am and 8pm is in the car to and from the school run and at supper; my mind is constantly flitting from one ‘to do’ item to the next and wondering how many I can multitask simultaneously. Oh and yes about once a week I will meet a friend for a coffee or a catch up, my rest time, because my job is all-day-and-all-night-every-single-day, so a coffee break every now and then is just basic essential care.

Many articles have crossed checked the monetary value of a SAHM (Stay at Home Mum) and have discovered that to replicate their input into the household would require a vast outlay of money on separate personnel. But I don’t want to compare my job to gold coins, I want to shift the perspective to our core values, money is certainly a necessary commodity but it is not the ultimate need.

In relationships we discuss whether or not we have similar values, rarely does this simply mean how much finance each partner will contribute. More often than not these values include honesty, respect, communication, parenting choices and family relationships. Do the values marry? If so, these are signs of potentially strong and life-long relationships.

For me, wholesome values are not just in partnered relationships but across the board in friendships, work peers, community connections and of course within our parent/child dynamics.

So when my ‘value’ as a SAHM was narrowed into the crude description as to whether or not I brought home gold coins, I felt a deep grief for all that I provide to my family, for all the non-material value that is unacknowledged and underappreciated across our societal norms. I felt that grief ripple out to all those individuals who offer their voluntary acts of service to our community to care for the young, old, infirm, environment and animals, who are whitewashed into the background because they don’t bring gold bullion back home. How distorted have our societal values become when my job, to shape, nurture and guide our future generations, is dismissed as luxurious and frivolous?

For me, I hugely value the consistency and security my children receive to help their confidence flourish out into the world; to enable them to stretch their bungee ropes to distant discoveries and bounce right back again when they need. I know that my choice to stay at home is solely built on nurturing their human potential.

That potential is not about shaping them into the best lawyers or doctors, but to help them know their own happiness now and in their future, to help them have the courage to stand up for truth and honour, love and respect.  And all that is a multi-levelled task; it covers presence, diet, response time, emotional well being, sleep, health & friendships.

My daughter recently described her future to me, when she would leave school, what her career would be, how many children she would have, the usual musings of the young and fearless! But what I heard in amongst her description what that she would take a career break to have children; she has chosen a career that she can step out of and return to when she wishes because she values what me being at home means to her and she wants to offer that back to her children too.  It has been important to her, it has been of value.

There is a wonderful analogy in Heidi’s Children where the grandfather is on his deathbed and asks little Marta to go to the high pastures and pick him fresh strawberries. She does as he bids but, with the encouragement of her friends, instead of returning straight home, she sells them in the town and brings home money which she is told will bring her grandfather greater happiness. The grandfather is furious, for he had been looking forward to the succulent, refreshing strawberries all day, and he demands Marta bite the coin to see if it brings the same satisfaction.

This…

This is where our values are mistaken at times, there is no monetary replacement for nourishment, kindness and love and the most glorious thing about these is that they are absolutely free.

So next time someone challenges me to bring greater value to my family, I might just remind them that I gift strawberries not gold.