Tag: choices

Treat ’em Like A Dog

In actual fact, there is a lot of truth in this statement where our children are concerned. But I imagine I need to explain myself a little more before I’ve convinced anyone! 

When we rescued our dog from the streets of Athens, it was a whole new world of learning and discovery. I had never owned a dog before and have to confess I thought training would be a simple case of bribery and corruption, with multiple treats. It may work for some but not for mine! 

Thankfully I was led to the work of Jan Fennell, The Dog Listener, who helped me understand that my dog was presuming dominance from our attitude and felt the need to protect her pack aka us! More than that it was incredibly stressful for her; without training or leadership, being the Alpha is no fun at all. So we adopted the techniques required to show her who was boss, and how subordinate she really is. Relative calm ensued. She will test us, she will look for chinks in our resolve but overall, our word goes and she listens. 

And here is why it applies to our children. The blurry lines between conscious and permissive parenting means that many parents these days offer huge amounts of choice to our kids under the guise of respecting their individuality; this varies from the mild shopping trip for clothes to the very important decisions about schools and nourishment. 

They are not meant to be making any of these decisions, they are emotionally immature for a very long time and whilst it’s important that they feel autonomous by letting them join in chores and daily living, fundamental choices belong to the parent. Asking them or facilitating their belief that they have control over these decisions can cause them extraordinary stress, which can manifest in many ways, tantrums included, least likely is for them to explain, ‘please decide for me’. 

They are not meant to be the alpha in the family and there are plenty of ways to respect their individuality and personality whilst also providing warm, loving, strong boundaries so they know these big emotional decisions aren’t up to them. 

So in this craze for letting our kids decide far too many things, I say, treat ‘em like a dog! 

First published on social media on 15th May 2023

Christmas – An Act of Rebellion

How strange that Christmas should come to represent such a moment of defiance. How sad to have witnessed so many families go against their instinct for connection, joy and love to spend time apart, even, for far too many, completely alone.

I refuse to conform to the rules that are based on lies, distorted statistics and fear propaganda. Apparently, I should not be allowed an opinion because I’m not an ‘expert’; I should follow the rules because other people know better than me; I should not socialise in order to save people from dying a horrible, early death; I should accept data from media and governmental sources without second opinion from independent voices.

‘Shoulds’…. one thing I’ve learned well over the years is always to question a ‘should’.

Does it matter that in the 10 months of ‘pandemic’ I have not once been sick, neither worn a mask or kept my distance? Does it matter that this isn’t just pure luck but conscious, considered health choices that keep my immune system strong? Does it matter that, yesterday, whilst rebelling, we had nine for Christmas lunch, two of whom are doctors, also standing up against the lies and misrepresentation of truth and data? Does it matter that I have studied vaccines in greater depth than the majority of doctors, who usually attend one lecture on the subject in med school? Does it matter that, despite not having a university education, I was schooled in scientific thought and critical thinking? Does it matter that I look at the root of the statistics rather than the narrative they create?

Actually I believe it does. Democracy is an ideal of being governed to follow moral and community rules for the success and happiness of our country. But if that governance is based on lies and deception, it then becomes our duty to stand against it, to not follow, to redefine and create a new.

I have said from the beginning, indeed for the last decade, as I speak out about the criminal behaviour of the trillion dollar corporations dictating our lives, that the only way through this is radical personal responsibility; for our actions, choices, education and moral compass.

If connection, human touch, emotional attunement are some of the most important factors in maintaining a strong immune system, why have you just been asked to destroy those?

Disobey. Reclaim your personal responsibility, make the wise, moral, kind, loving choices that hold the very essence and fabric of our communities. You know. YOU know…..

Today Only

My kids, like all kids, are moment to moment peeps. If they are in the middle of a game, or need to put five cars in a bag, or plait their hair before going someone, those things take priority over and above the consideration of being on time and potentially missing something that they really don’t want to miss. No matter how much I explain, the movie won’t wait for us, the party will already be started… using things that would be important to them ‘in that moment’ none of it is going to take them out of THIS moment. 

It drives me absolutely potty AND I want to be like them. 

Today Only 

Yesterday I was talking with my incredible homeopath & friend, running through the anxieties that were causing me physical and uncomfortable symptoms. ALL of them were anxieties about the future. Do I need to do x now in order for y to happen then?… what if I don’t feel like this when that happens?… etc 

And she reminded me so beautifully that every choice that I am pondering and worrying about is a day to day decision. Today, does it feel right to be in no contact with my mother?; today, does it feel right to be cosleeping with my children?; today, does it feel right to be living in this country?; today, does my relationship feel right?; today, am I doing the best that I can for myself and my choices? 

Those are the only decisions I can consider. The future it unknown. Life happens. And suddenly I feel the energetic release from my body as I realise I don’t have to know who I will be in 20 years from now, nor even tomorrow. 

All I can do is Today Only.