Ho’oponopono

One of my experiences over my decades of healing and evolving was visiting a spiritual healer recommended by someone I’d crossed paths with. It all feels ages ago and I sadly can’t even remember her name but I do remember her beautiful energy. She offered the kindest heart and I felt so held and seen by her…. Just that was so healing in and of itself. She also introduced me to Ho’oponopono, although it was something she facilitated for me rather than me taking it home as another tool in my belt.  

And now this philosophy has found its way back to me in the way these things do, in this little book packed with a jumble of thoughts and ideas. I don’t love the way the book is written, ironically the energy of the writers (there are 3) didn’t really resonate but the power of the shamanic Ho’oponopono principles rise above any jarring text. 

Mantras and phrases have really worked for me over the years when rewiring my neuroprogramming, repeating words to replace the negative patterns in my head  and quickly creating key words that can switch me from fear to love. Ho’oponopono is just this: ‘I’m sorry, forgive me, thank you, I love you.’

Understanding the intention of each word, apologising for bringing our past experiences into colour the present; forgiving ourselves for these easy and habitual mistakes; grateful for the gifts each of these moments can bring; and love for ourselves, each other and divinity itself. How powerful, how simple, how easy to implement. 

With each difficult moment, with each judgement, to repeat the words, to feel the intention, to rewire our brains. This is a possibility for everyone.  

First published on social media on 30th April 2023

German New Medicine, GNM

German New Medicine (GNM) was first mentioned to me about 6/7 years ago and it immediately rang a chord. A principle of medicine directly correlating emotional events to our health crises.

I had connected the dots of health and emotions well over twenty years ago when I began healing myself from PCOS and the other linked gynaecological issues, but I had a limited framework that made translation to the lay person a fraught task. Many immediately defensive and rejecting of these associations not wanting to imagine that they have ‘brought on these events themselves’. 

So I saved this new name in my head and placed it aside whilst I swam through the swamp of early childhood parenting, with little enough energy to stay awake past kids’ bedtime, let alone dive into the depths of a new healing modality. 

But of course, synchronicity, need and the Universe called me back to it all and I’ve just spent the last couple of months reading up on the subject. I have not been disappointed and for sure my family are bored to tears at the repetition of my words with each new conversation with friends! I’m telling everyone who wants to listen! 

In a tiny nutshell, each personal emotional conflict (which is different and scaled for each person) can create a primordial defensive reaction in our bodies. This is immediately marked in our brains (verifiably on MRI) and processed in the appropriate space in our body: finger, heart, ovary, ankle etc. Each space representing a different emotional need. Each event an attempt to heal the emotional shock through our physical body. As the healing progresses, the markers in our brain diminish and the body reaction eases but too often we get over involved in the symptom and create that into a concern rather than an understanding of healing. 

Of course there is so much nuance and complexity to this process; my words barely do it justice. And it is something that is so important to understand for oneself – healing comes from our own personal autonomy, knowledge and power. 

So I am sharing the books here as recommendations as I found it quite tricky to know where to start. Some were more helpful than others. 

  1. I would say the best place to start, anecdotal and easy to read and absorb.  
  2. A deeper look but still accessible, with more in-depth understanding of certain illness
  3. A great pamphlet explaining the science and biology of it. More technical 
  4. This one has lots of fabulous info and also goes into the ancestral lineage of ill health, for more chronic diseases and family emotional patterns 
  5. A great dictionary to look up the various diseases and areas of the body and their emotional patterns. 
  6. More of a proving of the theories, which has its value especially for those that need facts. 

In conclusion, GNM has provided the science to back up my own personal understanding after all these years and I will be fully integrating it into our family as a foundation for fearless and vital health. 

First published on social media on 19th April 2023

Rageful

My husband and I are at THAT mid-life stage. There is a lot of emotional turmoil in many of our friends’ relationships, the cusp of divorces or other challenging consequences, and we ourselves are certainly far from immune to feeling the spiritual demands of these years. 

One of the messages my husband keeps bringing home from his friends is how they feel they have coped with their wives as they have journeyed through the menopause and a recurrent theme is that they were ‘crazy and rageful’. 

Now I am sceptical about this description for so many reasons but I also understand that many men just don’t understand the process, cycles and energy of women. We can be an enigma to them and there is dual responsibility here, the women can help men unravel their waves and cycles (though to be fair, many women are also disconnected from our ancient wisdom and wild power via modern societies demands so aren’t always able to explain or fully understand their own patterns) and the men can be willing to try and learn about this wisdom too, rather than simply dismissing it as crazy or unpredictable. 

I am not an expert but I certainly know that a few days before my menses there is only a fine veil between my patience and frustration. The rest of the month I can walk through fields of graciousness, but annoy me close to my bleed and it’s just a tiny ditch away from anger. It is not irrational, there is always a valid trigger, it’s just that the comparison of how I communicate and resolve that annoyance is a chasm away from the rest of the time. So I understand that men can receive that as too different to process. 

Now brining this to the menopause, I myself have begun to have disrupted cycles. This month I am already ten days over my usual date and that window of short fuse is stretching into a full conservatory. I suddenly realise how this is being received by the masculine, that odd day of ‘crazy’ that can be quickly forgotten or forgiven each month is stretching and elongating. That ditch is being jumped back and forth on too many occasions and when will it end? What if I don’t bleed for months? Will I still feel this premenstrual angst for the entire time? 

And it has purpose. Just like it did for every regular cycle I have had for the last thirty something years. Would I describe myself as rageful? Nope. But I’m certainly less gracious right now. I’m less willing to put up with my notion of bullshit, I’m less patient, I need authenticity, directness and clean communication. Is that wrong? Could that be positive? I believe so. 

Not knowing when this will end, I can’t just check out, read books, take baths and try all my previous ploys to navigate those one or two days of lore. I have to learn to adapt and adjust but I’m also not going to be labelled as negatively rageful when I know the root of my energy is power. I will learn to channel it and honour it as I step into this new era of my life. I am moving into a time where I have the greatest energetic potential, so it’s no wonder that the transformation is fiery. Call it rageful if you must but I will reclaim that word and alchemise it into gold.  

First published on social media on 15th April 2023

When Our Best Is Good Enough

I love how the universe aligns conversations and events so perfectly. Yesterday, I had a longed for and wonderful catch up with a dear dear friend who lives so far away. Our times together are the utmost precious and always nonstop chatter. We were discussing our children and sharing the similarities in personalities, the challenges they bring and more pertinently how we help them navigate the world. 

We were reflecting on how society places such high value on the No.1, top spot, highest rank etc. If you’re not THE best are you really good enough? And ultimately how unhealthy that feels and what a pressure it is on our children. We both have kids that can coast and rest on their very competent laurels that sometimes need a push to fulfil their personal potentials. But we also have children who can offer their very best and are not always recognised for that because despite the hard work and effort it doesn’t take them to that perceived top spot. And that’s hard to watch, the ranking is irrelevant to me, but it’s painful to see them overlooked for a simple acknowledgement of their intense efforts. 

This week was all about that for one of mine, a football camp that he was passionate about attending. Pushing himself further socially than I have even known him do. Five hours a day for four days, football everything. And I knew he was giving it his absolute all. Each day he came home and mentioned that there might be a medal at the end of the camp, a trophy even for just one kid in each group. Modestly, he didn’t expect the trophy, but wishing at least for a medal. 

And the final moment came where every child received a medal and the trophies were handed out. They praised the child about to receive it for their solid attendance, their constant hard work, their respectful attitude towards the coaches and their overall improvement. And he was honoured! Was he the very best technical player there?Probably not, but what a beautiful inspiration for him to be seen for all that he brought and all that he is. He said he felt like he was in a dream and I’m not sure that he’s stopped smiling since. 

In a world dominated by having to be the best over others, what a breath of fresh air for the best of ourselves to be celebrated instead. When our best is good enough. 

First published on social media on 7th April 2023

In The Quiet Moments

Sometimes I cannot bring myself to speak, to verbalise what thoughts and feelings are swirling. Silence seems to keep them under control, to keep them in the depths. If I open my mouth, they may escape and I’m not ready for that to happen. 

And what the world sees is me with a smile and a greeting. Maybe I falter at the moment of remembering something significant in your life. I can’t quite pull together the relevant memories and conversations that feed my knowledge. And then I feel ashamed that I have let my feelings overtake my interest in you, that you will think I haven’t listened or paid attention to your life and your needs.

All the while I’ll keep floating through the demands of daily ritual, the cooking, laundry, school runs, errands. All the while I am actually convinced that I have a handle on it all, that I have reasoned all the uncomfortable and painful feelings into the right corners of my brain and body. That I have accepted, processed, owned, released. 

And only in the truly quiet moments, this half an hour waiting for my children to finish their activities, where I have stopped with unexpected space and grace. Only then do I realise how much I do not want to speak. How much energy it takes some days to be a  responsible, thoughtful, loving human and parent, when I am craving blankets and books and silence. 

In my teens and twenties there were times when I would sit in the base of a shower and let the water run on hot for an hour, or I’d curl up in the bottom of a wardrobe with the doors closed and just the fabrics, darkness and silence as my embrace. 

Now my children, my life, my choices fill me and fulfil me so that I can believe so many of those pains never even existed. They belong to another lifetime, another journey but sometimes in the quiet moments, I never want to speak again. 

First published on social media on 3rd April 2023

The Witch Trial of JK Rowling

When I was pregnant, I talked to my midwife about due dates and their influence on a woman’s expectation for the birth of her child. She very simply explained that a due date is on a bell curve, the average being around 39-40 weeks but a healthy child can easily be born at 36 weeks and 43 weeks without any issues at all. The medical construct defines this tight two week window without allowing for the natural differentials on either side and that creates pressured consequences that negatively affect the birthing empowerment of women. 

Life is this. Most things fall at the height of the bell curve but there are always differentials on either side. Gender identity is one of those things. I get that there are some people who fall on the outside of their natal gender and wish to recognise themselves as such, I am not denying this reality, nor holding judgement around their choices. More than that, it’s important to honour and support those individuals. 

This also feels very different to the trans agenda which is happening in real time in our current society. I have very serious concerns about our children’s mental health and well-being when trans ideology is being pushed into their awareness without understanding the delicate psychology of children and teens. Compounded by the cognitive dissonance that seems to allow biological males identifying as women to compete in sports, added to the freedom for predators to identify however they like and enter single sex spaces which previously offered security and sanctuary. This is what JK Rowling has been discussing. 

And she discusses it brilliantly. She is thoughtful, reasoned, educated and measured. There is not an ounce of malice, contempt or actually anything except beautiful humanitarian concern for all parties. 

But where has our society reached when the abuse and threats she is receiving are heartbreaking and sickening all because there are some so invested in their narrative that they cannot actually hear the truth of what is being spoken? What has happened when those who claim they need love and protection are spitting bile and hatred? 

I do hold my own opinions on some of what is going on with this issue. I stand by the bell curve analogy but I also think there is a huge trauma and mental health element to much of the current vogue for gender identifying. If my child were starving herself, I would be negligent to allow her to identify as fashionably thin and ignore the physical and mental health issues creating this situation.  For many cases of gender dysphoria this is what is happening: an acceptance of a new identity rather than acknowledging and facing the pain and trauma that is the cause of this symptom. 

Am I a transphobe because of this? Should I be a target for the abuse that has been laid at too many people’s feet for having an opinion about these issues? My passions include trauma healing and childhood wellbeing. I want someone to feel the very best in their own skin, I want our children to have the childhoods they so deserve that help create adults who feel good about themselves. They are integrally entwined. 

Some of that means speaking up and challenging things that are currently accepted by society like ‘trans women are women’. Trans woman are deserving of every human right and kindness, like every human, but I won’t agree that they are women AND they also have the right to think and proclaim that they are. Love, healing, understanding, compassion and, like the very best of parenting, boundaries and respect, these are the tools we need to embrace. But most urgently of all is the grace to allow everyone a different opinion. I can get enraged by someone else’s viewpoint, I can question their morality and judgement, but I cannot take away their right to hold it and unless they are actually harming someone (and I don’t mean offending someone) I will not do anything to stop them expressing that. That is surely the bottom line for a free society? 

So I put out this blog, with a genuine risk of attack, to encourage everyone to listen to this incredible series of podcasts which are truly educational and also vitally important. And I stand for my right to my own voice and opinion as I stand for everyone’s. 

#istandwithjkrowling #thefreepress #spotify 

As an addendum, I rejected the label of feminist a number of years ago because of the negative impact it was having on family values in society and, with that, the well-being of young children. I can’t say that I’m ready to reclaim it but JK Rowling’s stance as a feminist is the most inclusive and expansive I have heard and I am drawn rather than repelled by it. She certainly has my solidarity. 

First published on social media on 18th March 2023

Kingsblood Royal

I don’t even remember how I chose books from my father’s shelf when I had just a few hours to pick things from his house in memory of him, but as I slowly read through the pile nearly ten years later, I know I was guided by angels because each read is so rich and important. 

This is fiction, and I rarely post about those, but it is a work of such beautiful intensity and on such an important subject that I wish the whole world could get the chance to read it. 

Set towards the end of the Second World War in the the northern states of America it explores racism, segregation and morality. The Northern States legally don’t have segregation and technically discrimination shouldn’t be allowed, so compared to the southern states, still deep in segregation, the white populace feel proudly generous and liberal in their hearts. That is until one of their own, a genteel, middle class white man discovers one of his ancestors was not only an exciting, pioneering adventurer but also black. 

In those days, any trace of blood in a person’s heritage, no matter how far back, labelled you a person of colour. So here we have the story of how this chap processes this information in himself, this incredibly beautiful and humbling inner journey he makes to feel proud of his ancestor, his people and his blood; how he takes steps to educate himself on his own prejudices and listens to the local black community to hear their own stories. The array and complexities of characters means we meet opinions and viewpoints from every angle, really highlighting the humanness of a thousand opinions even within one cause of personal freedom. Added to this we face the backlash from his friends, family and community when they discover his ancestry, for which he refuses to hide, and see the ignorance and cruelty that comes from an indoctrination of prejudice. 

The protagonist is an absolute hero, despite numerous opportunities to hide this history, that no one could ever guess at, he stands tall and proud even at the point of lynching. 

Kingsblood Royal was an important novel that positively influenced the start of the Civil Rights Movement and I can see why. I feel far better educated on the vast threads that weave through our society that form the crucial layers for understanding racism and its impacts. And what I feel more deeply, is how the trauma of these times reverberates now, causing sensitivity and triggers that can seem over compensatory relative to our current society but hit ancestral wound after ancestral wound. 

I cannot imagine living in that era, which was still in living memory for some, when black people were treated as less than human. It hearts my heart to place myself in that society, from all the angles and perspectives we see in this book, and wonder how I would have behaved with whatever upbringing I might have had. I hope, whichever side, whichever culture, I would have had the courage to stand with humanity and love but I can see how easy it was to think the wrong thing was right in the ignorance of middle class society and in the righteousness of painful discrimination. There is no simple black or white here, excuse the awkward pun, but the fundamentals are, and always will be, compassion, humanity and understanding. 

An outstanding read. 

First published on social media on 5th March 2023

Whatever Arises Love That

I picked this book off the top of my pile in January, read two pages of the introduction and put it down again. I did not want to love whatever arises because what had just arisen the previous month was painful and upsetting. So I went back to my fiction pile and read four in a row! 

And then I picked it up again last week… I begin with ambivalence, moved onto passionately loving it, decided I wasn’t quite sure about it, back to ambivalence and then ending with a fondness and appreciation. I can well imagine that if Matt Kahn reads this blog he will giggle as he recognises my ego poking out to resistance and creating this pattern. 

There is a lot of permission in this book to not have to spirituality override the tough feelings and I like that a lot because…. Human. 

And yet I still felt the pressure of gracious non-reacting to challenges (and yes, I know love that feeling too!) as my ultimate spiritual goal. Which of course it is, but also maybe when I’m 90. The truth is I don’t know whether I believe our human life is about achieving this state or whether that’s just my ego in resistance again. I personally feel like our human experience is raw and real and we get to be godly and gracious a lot in between lives and whilst I wholly agree in loving all the feelings, most especially the messy and unwanted ones, I don’t think I’m going to make it to zen master in the next 40 years. Can I sit still and listen with love when someone is telling me that it’s cool to jab kids with experimental poison? Nah! Part of my purpose in this world is to speak up, to challenge, to confront. Can I learn to do it better? One thousand percent. And with that, there are tonnes of wonderful guides and pointers that this book offers. (The photos show just a snippet.)

Do I think we are awakening to a new consciousness? Absolutely! Though will it be all high vibe? I’m not so sure. For me, humanness is about opposing forces, leaning about the Ying and Yang, experiencing the polarities to deepen our universal wisdom and understanding. I love books, like this, that help me meet all of those with the best possible energy and I also resist the intention to end up passively loving ALL that arises. 

In toto, full of delights and insights, and whatever your view on our human experience, there’s never any harm in leaning how to love better. Thanks Matt for a beautifully confronting read. 

First published on social media on 23rd February 2023

Reclaiming My Body

I have been listening to the searingly honest, heart opening & breaking podcast (on Psilocybin) by Honestly Elizabeth and much of her experience resonates for me on so many planes. 

One of the things it really crystallised was how much the sexual abuse by my father disassociated me from my body. When I reflect back on later abuses and relationships, I can see clearly how I would so often reach a point of coercion; when someone wanted more from me than I really wanted to give, in both consensual and non consensual situations, I could observe my spirit step back and allow my body to be taken. The subtlety of this is hard to describe and I think in many, if not most, of these scenarios, the man could be forgiven for believing that I had given permission rather than simply acquiescing, which would be more accurate. 

My body was a trade, I gave it, it appeased. I think this is why the ‘me too’ movement is so complex. I believe many many women surrender to appease rather than truly give permission but how can someone know that? I cannot blame all the men, certainly there were some at fault, pushy, domineering, scary even, but there were other who were sweet and thoughtful, who simply triggered my neuro-programming to submit, as my father had taught me. 

Part of my healing today is to fully reclaim my body as mine, to integrate it as an essential part of my whole. And, as is so often the case when trying to restore balance, a counter weight is required. Now, I need absolute trust, safety and respect before I can consider offering my sacred self. And I also teach my children that sharing their bodies with anyone, when they reach that age and stage of life, is a sharing of spirit and how important it is to be in loving and trusting energy with that person. 

Our society devalues sexual intimacy at great cost to our souls and it perpetuates this separation of body and spirit. The current vogue of early sexualisation of children, through media, fashion, wokism et al, is truly horrifying and when measured as a splintering of soul connection can only be classed as abuse. 

I only hope that a much needed and aching return to family values blossoms and this part of our lives, as a society, will also be restored to a healthier, happier connection before much more damage is perpetrated against our innocents. 

And as I reconnect my splintered parts, may that be mirrored into the world and draw together those elements that need healing and connecting for all of humanity. 

First published on social media on 6th February 2023

It’s beginning to look a lot like Teen-mas

Six months in and I cannot deny the teen era is upon me. I’m actually finding it, mostly, delightful; watching my child expand into the world, explore, grow, stretch and return. 

I was the archetypal ‘terrible teen’, lots of deception, no strong parental attachment, peer focused, crashing into adulthood with despair and desperate hope. So there is a part of me that thinks I’ve got this covered, I know what NOT to do. But I don’t want to be naive either, society is influencing powerfully and my children do not have the same impacting factors that I had. So when I saw this book, ‘Untangled’ by Lisa Damour, I thought it would be good for me to have a read. 

It is a perfect example of how context is everything. If my values centred around fulfilling the perception of modern society, that high grades, top university and money-pumping careers are the be all and end all of life, then this would be the book to guide my teens through. It shockingly includes a suggestion of bribing your teen to achieve their grades. 

There are some solid foundation notes, like having family meals together, knowing who the friends are etc but these are not rocket science and says much about our society when having a family meal together is something to implement for the teens under the assumption that it’s not been happening before. Am I living in an alternate universe?

Are families so disconnected that they need just the basics to bring back some form of connection and communication? Are our children so undervalued that they are being left to flounder through the initiation into adulthood without parental and mentor guidance? 

This book made me achingly sad for all of those it is aimed at, parents and teens alike. To be existing together without feeling loved and held and cherished and to be thinking that this is just how life goes, how painful! Damour is doing her best in the context of this world but I wanted something much deeper, richer, more intense. I wanted a call for heart connection, for initiation, for handing down wisdom, learning from the vibrant young, healing ancestral blockages. 

The teens is a transition, there is no doubt about that, but in that is the most beautiful opportunity, offered over and over again for years and years. Forget the grades and the careers. Find the passion and the joy and the spirit and the love and the conversation and the connection. 

This is the moment your child moves into the blessing of a companion adult. Not too quickly, not until they’re ready. They still need their boundaries and circling, but that is the goal to hold onto. Staying in connection, understanding and love.  

First published on social media on 18th December 2022