The Signs

So here is where I struggle. I struggle with false energy and by that I mean energy that is not authentic. 

And then today I had this epiphany that perhaps I’m seeing things I’m not supposed to be seeing. 

What if there is a natural layer of ‘etiquette energy’, where people communicate on a polite level with each other that is so intrinsic and accepted in society that we don’t even bother to scratch the surface of whether it’s true? What if the majority of folks live by these unspoken communication rules and that’s why they find it easy to have untroubled dynamics within their circles? 

What if my hyper-vigilance, through trauma and/or personality, where I can gauge every nuance of energy within a room, where I can sense the raised eyebrows, the quiet sighs, the subtle step back as if there were neon arrows above their heads; what if I’m not really supposed to register those things? 

I suddenly realised that maybe I would find the world so much simpler and easier if I just took the words and gestures as they are intended to be imparted rather than seeing behind each veil and psychological give away. Is that how most people live? 

I can feel so drained and sensitive to all of these non verbal clues and I can interpret all the feelings behind them (not always without bias from my own triggers and history, I own that!) that I feel somewhat hesitant to engage in certain interactions and I can withdraw and step back from places that I had hoped to be welcomed. But perhaps I was welcomed, if I hadn’t read the signs. 

And I don’t know how not to. 

I don’t know how not to see the flashes of annoyance across the cornea, or hear the intake of breath, or the huff of disagreement. I don’t know how not to see their lack of interest in their shifting feet or their determined smile that hangs too long. 

But I do wonder if perhaps I didn’t put so much weight to these subtleties that maybe I would be able to engage in a strata of society that has hitherto mystified me. 

I wonder. 

First published on social media on 24th February 2022

Due Diligence

This is my mood today.

After a weekend loaded with family tension around the devastation being perpetrated on our children and the blind belief in a narrative that is collapsing around their ears, I feel done with any attempt at subtle explanations.

This is the truth. Children are dying and are having life changing injuries from these need?es. (Honestly, they have been for decades by the other scheduled pricks too, but the scale of what is happening right now is off the charts.)

If anyone justifies this process, they are complicit, because the data is out there. There are enough doctors and experts speaking up, sharing their experiences and knowledge that to ignore it is becoming wilful ignorance.

Hiding behind disparaging labels of anti-va**ers, supremacists, bigots, bias, misinformation etc is only making you look foolish and will not remove the stain on your conscience when the truth can no longer be shielded from exposure.

Do your research, look at the numbers, listen to every side of the story and make sure you end up on the right side of history.

Our children depend on it.

First published on social media on 8th February 2022

In Their Shoes…

This week I have been told that I am ‘inconsiderate’ and ‘unable to put myself in other people’s shoes’ by a close family member. It is a familiar pattern of criticism but certainly I think it’s important for me to reflect on it and see where my truth lies within it or indeed outside of it. 

I know that I could turn to a friend or two who would say the exact opposite and hotly defend me to boot but that’s the way of the world anywhere isn’t it? There are always places where we can validate or oppose our views and beliefs, looking outside is simply seeking confirmation rather than creating a knowing. 

So what is the truth within me? Once I would certainly have heard those words and believed them to be true; shamed and chastised myself for not being a good and kind person. Now I see them differently. 

There is truth in them but not within me. 

There is truth in them for the teller, their perception and beliefs mean that my actions and speech show those values or lack there of. I have not chosen the path that would reflect consideration for their feelings, logically that would indicate my inability to see their point of view, to step into their shoes. 

Except of course life is far more nuanced and complicated than that. I have made conscious and thoughtful decisions as to why I will not choose that path that would be ‘considerate’ and indeed in the depths of that decision is, in my view, a consideration far more powerful and important that encompasses their well-being, their freedoms and my love for humanity. 

I hope one day those will be seen but I recognise that it may also never happen. That I have to hold being judged whilst living my path with faith in my own integrity and also a humbleness to be able to accept that there is every possibility I could also one day be shown wrong in my perception. 

Meanwhile I stand in my truth, which is to protect the freedoms of mind, body and soul for all of my family and for all of humanity.  I do that without grandeur but with the small day to day decisions and choices that can seem so unnecessary, so petty, so inconsiderate without the bigger picture that I have in my eye-line. 

So in the end I am grateful for the criticisms, they have forced me to reflect and have helped me clarify even more clearly that I stand by those values in the face of a thousand words of judgements. I will bear the bruising of those words because I know, in this moment, I am making the best and most considerate of decisions. 

First published on social media on 24th January 2022

Wherever you go, there you are

Such a mixed bag of a book. Honestly the first half didn’t resonate wildly, I just wasn’t connecting with the words and sometimes even feeling a little divorced from his sentiment, it felt like he was writing from the male perspective on a couple of occasions whilst trying to make them fit for the female too.

And then I shifted 180 degrees with the second half. Was it my mood that had shifted? Was I just paying more attention or even being more mindful?

There I was suddenly feeling the real validity in his wisdom, the importance of seeing what is happening in the moment and experiencing it fully, good and bad. I have certainly taken home lots of tips and ways of being to help me be more present, to explore the spaces to mediate in my days; though I’m not sure I can set my alarm any earlier just yet, I maybe able to shift my waking into a more conscious start to the day. It’s workable and I know it’s important.

So lots to mull over and a good book to start the ball rolling in mindful mediation, in tandem with my more conscious breath work. All of which is entirely necessary this year as we face the impending shifts and adjustments to our society.

First published on social media on 23rd January 2022

Freedom

My children know that sometimes our freedoms are threatened, that sometimes we have to stand against the tidal waves of majority thinking to discern the real truths and sometimes we need to gather our hearts collectively to create a tour de force.

So today they walked.

They walked and felt the support of men and women from every walk of life; our common ground is our belief in freedom, for everyone, freedom to honour and respect our own bodies, freedom to travel, freedom to speak and live our values. One of the best lessons I could ever offer them.

And as always such a privilege to walk with thousands upon tens of thousands sharing the fight for freedom; partcularly those NHS workers ready to lose their jobs and careers upon this hill.

First published on social media on 22nd January 2022

Pete

Pete is my Guardian Angel, we have communicated together for close to 20 years now and he is my connection to spirit, love, sovereignty and peace.

Until this past month I have never know him anything but fully vibrant and present to my call. I speak and he answers, most often with humour and naturally with grace.

These past few weeks he is different, just as available, just as wise, but his form is something else entirely. If I were to try and describe it with the limitations of our human language, I would say he is in a place of rejuvenation and strengthening. Where once there was always light and brightness, now is dark around him. The light emits from his centre but it is a dull glow that I can see is being charged and filled to reach its greatest and most powerful potential.

He tells me all the angels are doing this now, they are in preparation for the tsunami of loving and healing energy that is about to unleash itself upon our world. It is a battle that will be won by the light, but also requires a surge of power not seen for thousands of years.

Prepare yourselves for the coming of truth and love. It is on the horizon and shall bring a change to our human consciousness quite unfathomable and utterly Divine.

First published on social media on 9th January 2022

Breath

This book has brought the missing piece of the health picture that I knew I was seeking but didn’t know how to find. It is, quite simply, a revelation.

My own breath has been something that I have sensed needed attention for some years, as I noticed the breathlessness I hit when challenged or anxious, but I really didn’t have a clue where to start or of its true importance.

Then this marvel of a book crossed my path, and took its time to reach the top of my pile, but, within days of beginning, the puzzle pieces started to connect and my whole family and I are now sleeping with tape on our mouths!

My son, who had always snuffled during sleep, some nights worse than others, has slept peacefully and deeply every night since tape forces him to nose breathe; I have never felt more rested or restored by my sleep in all my forty something years. There is still work to be done to change some unhelpful daytime habits but it’s a joyous leap into an entirely new level of health and well-being that has really set us up for vibrant living, and I particularly love how it comes from thousands of years old ancient wisdom.

James Nestor writes so accessibly and sensibly that this book really is a step to health that is available to anyone and I cannot recommend his work highly enough (I have already bought five more copies to give away to friends).

As with anything, it is not the ultimate bible and he still prostates himself at the altar of antibiotics and immunisations whilst simultaneously detailing the chronic ailments of our society… having not quite joined the dots on that front. Perhaps he might be tempted to explore that avenue for his next research, for if he is as thorough with that as he has been with Breath, then he will soon create a collection worthy of any health mentor.

In the meantime, the focus on breath is everything.

First Published on social media on 16th December 2021

The Four Fold Way

I’ve read many books on the various archetypes, their strengths, shadows and meanings but I have to say I think I’ve enjoyed this one the most. Super simple, very clear and engaging with simple techniques to bring awareness to our areas of work in order to find our balance.

Loved the quotes scattered throughout (always a winner to see #rudolfsteiner ‘s words on another pathway!) and really felt I absorbed more of the essence of archetype understanding than ever before.

On top of which #angelesarrien ‘s obvious respect for the indigenous cultures around the world and the wisdom they hold feels a lot like coming home. Ancestral and Elder wisdom is something I frequently crave and this book feels like I’m sitting at my grandparents knee soaking it all in.

Highly recommend, a super easy and accessible read, even tempted to pass it on to my near teen, though I might wait a couple more years… we’ll see.

First Published on social Media 20 November 2021

Our Traumatised World

I have just finished reading this marvel, The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, and I have hit new depths to my understanding of trauma, not just for the world but so importantly for me too. To say I was triggered would be an understatement, so much rose up in me that felt painful and raw and therefore so necessary to face. More work to be done and more avenues to follow with the wisdom of this work by my side.

It is sensitively and compassionately written, with stories that wrench and illustrate in turn, leading through the vast array of trauma our society is generating and holding and offering a myriad of techniques and therapies that can calm, smooth, release and integrate the disregulation and pain that exists.

There is really too much to say and yet so little without simply repeating, verbatim, the written words but there are certain highlights, important themes (see photos) that are lingering in my consciousness.

I think some of my big takeaways are: how it validated so much of where I see our trauma being played out in society, from the simple, defensive, ready to be offended, response that has become the norm of reactions rather than the warning sign that needs attention; to the research that shows how much more impactful a mother’s depression is compared to a father, because biology matters, innate instinct and early years attachment cannot be overruled by a societal yen; it confirms the knowledge that abusers come from trauma, how it is by facing and healing and supporting that we shift our society not by shaming or judging or blaming.

All of these powerful confirmations actually bring me hope rather than despair, that there are healers out there in this field that really ‘get’ it. Over medicating is running its course and I so hope that means we can move onto this real ability to connect, support and understand.

After all, as Bessel says ‘Communicating fully is the opposite of being traumatised.’

 First published on social media 11th November 2021

The Evolution of War

I can’t take credit for this photo or its title but it is how I see where we are at, right in this moment in time.

We are at war for our freedoms, like every war has been about – control vs freedom, power vs liberty.

Many of those that can’t see this are in a place I can understand: a denial and a want to imagine the best. Surely these are just mistakes, perhaps even incompetences? Some seek blame at the hands of those fighting for everyone’s freedoms, determined not to find fault with their current perspective. If they are even reading these words, they might dismiss me as hysterical, a CT* or doom merchant.

I wish I was. History has repeated itself for millennia, but so quickly we forget. We can’t imagine that such darkness can really exist, so it is relegated to the past, to something we must forget and bury under the guises of innovation and development. But power corrupts or should I be clearer, only the wounded seek power as validation. Shouldn’t we therefore consider anyone in such a role with natural caution?

Wisdom and power are not the same. A wise leader wishes to aid, heal and guide without remittance. It is time to learn the difference, to remember the difference, to teach the difference. Will this struggle be endless or will we one day truly allow freedom of spirit, mind, body and soul to be celebrated and embraced as our constant?

That ideal is worth fighting for, speaking up for and showing up for. I am here.

*conspiracy theorist aka critical thinker

First published on social media 4th November 2021