Holistic Health & Emotional Healing – Page 3

One River Many Wells

‘[We need to resist the] “will to quarantine” and to separate ourselves behind self-imposed walls. For this is why we were born: Men, all men, belong to each other, and he who shuts himself away diminishes himself, and he who shuts another away from him destroys himself.’

Howard Thurman, quoted from One River, Many Wells by Matthew Fox.

Many moons ago I began a course to become an interfaith minister (a person who studies all the faiths and can minister to anyone in their combination of beliefs) but the joyful and long awaited pregnancy of my first child halted that training before it could really begin. However, in true bibliophile style I had already bought all my required reading books and they have sat on my ‘to read’ shelf for quite some years until my more recent discipline to read whatever reaches the top began.

So this book, One River, Many Wells, has been my latest read and what I love so much about allowing the Universe to determine my next study, rather than my just my desire, is how extraordinarily relevant the books have been to my current standing in the world. Is that because they are guided to me or because I see the answers in any text? Both perhaps.

I have to confess I found this book quite hard going, not philosophically but in style and format. The flow wasn’t there for me and it was certainly a matter of will and stubbornness that help me complete it. That being said, there were also a plethora of golden nuggets to take away (see small selection in photos) and I love how they have touched on all aspects of my journey, from health and nutrition, breath and purpose to reflection, justice, fear and love. It encompasses life in all of its finery and challenges.

And I absolutely agree with its holding principle, divinity is the river from which all beliefs are drawn from, whatever that looks like for you. A message so important that it needs to be reiterated as much as possible, to unify and connect our souls into a web of love, compassion and forgiveness.

First published on social media on 2nd April 2022

The Signs

So here is where I struggle. I struggle with false energy and by that I mean energy that is not authentic.

And then today I had this epiphany that perhaps I’m seeing things I’m not supposed to be seeing.

What if there is a natural layer of ‘etiquette energy’, where people communicate on a polite level with each other that is so intrinsic and accepted in society that we don’t even bother to scratch the surface of whether it’s true? What if the majority of folks live by these unspoken communication rules and that’s why they find it easy to have untroubled dynamics within their circles?

What if my hyper-vigilance, through trauma and/or personality, where I can gauge every nuance of energy within a room, where I can sense the raised eyebrows, the quiet sighs, the subtle step back as if there were neon arrows above their heads; what if I’m not really supposed to register those things?

I suddenly realised that maybe I would find the world so much simpler and easier if I just took the words and gestures as they are intended to be imparted rather than seeing behind each veil and psychological give away. Is that how most people live?

I can feel so drained and sensitive to all of these non verbal clues and I can interpret all the feelings behind them (not always without bias from my own triggers and history, I own that!) that I feel somewhat hesitant to engage in certain interactions and I can withdraw and step back from places that I had hoped to be welcomed. But perhaps I was welcomed, if I hadn’t read the signs.

And I don’t know how not to.

I don’t know how not to see the flashes of annoyance across the cornea, or hear the intake of breath, or the huff of disagreement. I don’t know how not to see their lack of interest in their shifting feet or their determined smile that hangs too long.

But I do wonder if perhaps I didn’t put so much weight to these subtleties that maybe I would be able to engage in a strata of society that has hitherto mystified me.

I wonder.

First published on social media on 24th February 2022

In Their Shoes…

This week I have been told that I am ‘inconsiderate’ and ‘unable to put myself in other people’s shoes’ by a close family member. It is a familiar pattern of criticism but certainly I think it’s important for me to reflect on it and see where my truth lies within it or indeed outside of it.

I know that I could turn to a friend or two who would say the exact opposite and hotly defend me to boot but that’s the way of the world anywhere isn’t it? There are always places where we can validate or oppose our views and beliefs, looking outside is simply seeking confirmation rather than creating a knowing.

So what is the truth within me? Once I would certainly have heard those words and believed them to be true; shamed and chastised myself for not being a good and kind person. Now I see them differently.

There is truth in them but not within me.

There is truth in them for the teller, their perception and beliefs mean that my actions and speech show those values or lack there of. I have not chosen the path that would reflect consideration for their feelings, logically that would indicate my inability to see their point of view, to step into their shoes.

Except of course life is far more nuanced and complicated than that. I have made conscious and thoughtful decisions as to why I will not choose that path that would be ‘considerate’ and indeed in the depths of that decision is, in my view, a consideration far more powerful and important that encompasses their well-being, their freedoms and my love for humanity.

I hope one day those will be seen but I recognise that it may also never happen. That I have to hold being judged whilst living my path with faith in my own integrity and also a humbleness to be able to accept that there is every possibility I could also one day be shown wrong in my perception.

Meanwhile I stand in my truth, which is to protect the freedoms of mind, body and soul for all of my family and for all of humanity. I do that without grandeur but with the small day to day decisions and choices that can seem so unnecessary, so petty, so inconsiderate without the bigger picture that I have in my eye-line.

So in the end I am grateful for the criticisms, they have forced me to reflect and have helped me clarify even more clearly that I stand by those values in the face of a thousand words of judgements. I will bear the bruising of those words because I know, in this moment, I am making the best and most considerate of decisions.

First published on social media on 24th January 2022

Wherever you go, there you are

Such a mixed bag of a book. Honestly the first half didn’t resonate wildly, I just wasn’t connecting with the words and sometimes even feeling a little divorced from his sentiment, it felt like he was writing from the male perspective on a couple of occasions whilst trying to make them fit for the female too.

And then I shifted 180 degrees with the second half. Was it my mood that had shifted? Was I just paying more attention or even being more mindful?

There I was suddenly feeling the real validity in his wisdom, the importance of seeing what is happening in the moment and experiencing it fully, good and bad. I have certainly taken home lots of tips and ways of being to help me be more present, to explore the spaces to mediate in my days; though I’m not sure I can set my alarm any earlier just yet, I maybe able to shift my waking into a more conscious start to the day. It’s workable and I know it’s important.

So lots to mull over and a good book to start the ball rolling in mindful mediation, in tandem with my more conscious breath work. All of which is entirely necessary this year as we face the impending shifts and adjustments to our society.

First published on social media on 23rd January 2022

Breath

This book has brought the missing piece of the health picture that I knew I was seeking but didn’t know how to find. It is, quite simply, a revelation.

My own breath has been something that I have sensed needed attention for some years, as I noticed the breathlessness I hit when challenged or anxious, but I really didn’t have a clue where to start or of its true importance.

Then this marvel of a book crossed my path, and took its time to reach the top of my pile, but, within days of beginning, the puzzle pieces started to connect and my whole family and I are now sleeping with tape on our mouths!

My son, who had always snuffled during sleep, some nights worse than others, has slept peacefully and deeply every night since tape forces him to nose breathe; I have never felt more rested or restored by my sleep in all my forty something years. There is still work to be done to change some unhelpful daytime habits but it’s a joyous leap into an entirely new level of health and well-being that has really set us up for vibrant living, and I particularly love how it comes from thousands of years old ancient wisdom.

James Nestor writes so accessibly and sensibly that this book really is a step to health that is available to anyone and I cannot recommend his work highly enough (I have already bought five more copies to give away to friends).

As with anything, it is not the ultimate bible and he still prostates himself at the altar of antibiotics and immunisations whilst simultaneously detailing the chronic ailments of our society… having not quite joined the dots on that front. Perhaps he might be tempted to explore that avenue for his next research, for if he is as thorough with that as he has been with Breath, then he will soon create a collection worthy of any health mentor.

In the meantime, the focus on breath is everything.

First Published on social media on 16th December 2021

The Four Fold Way

I’ve read many books on the various archetypes, their strengths, shadows and meanings but I have to say I think I’ve enjoyed this one the most. Super simple, very clear and engaging with simple techniques to bring awareness to our areas of work in order to find our balance.

Loved the quotes scattered throughout (always a winner to see #rudolfsteiner ‘s words on another pathway!) and really felt I absorbed more of the essence of archetype understanding than ever before.

On top of which #angelesarrien ‘s obvious respect for the indigenous cultures around the world and the wisdom they hold feels a lot like coming home. Ancestral and Elder wisdom is something I frequently crave and this book feels like I’m sitting at my grandparents knee soaking it all in.

Highly recommend, a super easy and accessible read, even tempted to pass it on to my near teen, though I might wait a couple more years… we’ll see.

First Published on social Media 20 November 2021

Our Traumatised World

I have just finished reading this marvel, The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, and I have hit new depths to my understanding of trauma, not just for the world but so importantly for me too. To say I was triggered would be an understatement, so much rose up in me that felt painful and raw and therefore so necessary to face. More work to be done and more avenues to follow with the wisdom of this work by my side.

It is sensitively and compassionately written, with stories that wrench and illustrate in turn, leading through the vast array of trauma our society is generating and holding and offering a myriad of techniques and therapies that can calm, smooth, release and integrate the disregulation and pain that exists.

There is really too much to say and yet so little without simply repeating, verbatim, the written words but there are certain highlights, important themes (see photos) that are lingering in my consciousness.

I think some of my big takeaways are: how it validated so much of where I see our trauma being played out in society, from the simple, defensive, ready to be offended, response that has become the norm of reactions rather than the warning sign that needs attention; to the research that shows how much more impactful a mother’s depression is compared to a father, because biology matters, innate instinct and early years attachment cannot be overruled by a societal yen; it confirms the knowledge that abusers come from trauma, how it is by facing and healing and supporting that we shift our society not by shaming or judging or blaming.

All of these powerful confirmations actually bring me hope rather than despair, that there are healers out there in this field that really ‘get’ it. Over medicating is running its course and I so hope that means we can move onto this real ability to connect, support and understand.

After all, as Bessel says ‘Communicating fully is the opposite of being traumatised.’

First published on social media 11th November 2021

A Question of Morality

Just last week I had to draw my line in the sand with a family member when they made it clear that they would support the segregation of society for those that refused the poison.

They did try to soften their stance by saying full coercion of the poison would make them ‘uncomfortable’ but either poison or constant testing was acceptable.

I checked again.

Did they think that I and my immediates, their own flesh and blood, (who are healthy, vibrant, functioning members of society) should be restricted from events, restaurants, shops, education and more because we maintain the right to body autonomy?

Well the government says…

I reiterated, this is not about what the government thinks but where their own personal morals lie. I restated that I am someone who takes my health seriously and I take full personal responsibility for it.

On paper, it is starkly obvious that our own immediate families’ health statuses have huge disparities. Is that one of the reasons it feels ok to penalise families like ours? To make health out of remit, something other, out of control and therefore handing it over to ‘higher’ expertise feels better than acknowledging the cracks at home could have been avoided or healed with consciousness and effort? Is that how it is for the rest of the world? That looking at cancers, spectrum disorders, autoimmune disturbances et al would mean whole lifestyles would have to be dismantled, careers reconsidered, priorities adjusted?

So is my family to be punished for your refusal to take ownership of your life?

It is then implied that because I stray from the government narrative what I’m experiencing as my health reality cannot be true, that I’m somehow endangering people with my foolhardy attitude. Science, perspective, health is, and has always been, fluid. Multiple truths can co-exist, paradigms shift, discoveries explode beliefs. Total safety, risk free living does not exist nor is it viable.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe I will die a horrible death from my own ignorance but if you are taking poisons and wearing masks to keep you safe then it doesn’t matter if my fresh air, organic and nutrient dense food, emotional healing and spiritual reach doesn’t work for me.

So let me be. I am free, I always will be and I will not accept you trying to take that from me. It is simply a question of our own morality, to which we each have our unique standards.

My line in the sand is Freedom, both for you and for me. I hope to see you there.

The Subtle Art of Parenting

It’s easy to claim the titles of mother/father or mum/dad, they’re a biological thing or even a role demarcation. You are, or you are not, a mum or dad.

Being a parent, on the other hand, is a different kettle of fish. You can be a mother or father without ever actually being a parent. To be a parent requires a person to actively parent – to guide, nurture, hold, love, support, cherish, discipline, nourish and be present to a child. Not all at once and not all of the time, but certainly a significant portion of it.

This is not about making the child the centre of your focus, as that too can be detrimental to their own perception of their place in the world, but that the parent’s focus contains the child.

One of the biggest inhibitors of this is our own ego. The part of ourselves that tries to define us; we are ‘such & such’ a person because we have these status symbols or because we behave in this manner. We are seen by the world, and we see the world, with the protection and filter of our ego. It has its place but it can also be frequently a barrier to genuine connection and understanding.

When our, perhaps imbalanced, ego is involved in the parenting mix, it often causes more harm than good. The ego may tell us how our children should behave or be or look or act, as a representative of us. It forgets that children are their own spirits and personalities. Our imbalanced ego prevents us from seeing our children for who they really are, in the place they’re really at, just now, here, in the moment.

By working on the principle of stepping beyond our own ego – by recognising when their behaviour or attitude triggers the delicacy of our own status or place in the world – who am I when my child argues with me? Who am I when my child lies? Who am I when my child hits or hurts us or another? Who am I when my child rejects my food?

By staying with the understanding that it is our ego that wants to control and stop these challenges to our sensitives selves and by reframing the thoughts to – who are my children when they do these things? What are their struggles? Where are their needs being met or not?

When we can offer this alternative, then we can offer our presence, our attention, our attunement and, most of all, our love.

From my own place as a mother and as a daughter, when I consider the art of parenting, I know that the practicalities fall in and around these principles. If I parent from this place of seeing my children for who they are, not how I want them to be; if I pay attention to the subtleties of their days and interactions, I will learn to understand them as they shift and grow. I will be able to offer simple heart connecting wisdom rather than controlling direction and I will meet my children where there are at. Just this.

Indeed, as they age and form their own depths of personalities and experiences, the more important this becomes, and often the harder. Society forgives a tantruming toddler, but less so an emotionally spirited teen. So can we transcend the ego expectations of our societies and embody the role of parent instead?

Not always…. to err is human, but certainly it is a baseline of understanding to return to, to ground ourselves from and to turn around and try again.

So pay attention to what has happened today, what went on in their worlds this week, this month, this year… how has that formed them, influenced them, shifted them? What do they need from us now? Distraction, attention, conversation, silence, hugs, space, food, sleep, healing, laughter, fun, company, connection…?

To navigate the subtle art of parenting is an onerous task, but also, quite simply, the most rewarding, soul stretching, inspiring and important creation of art there ever was, or ever will be.

Broken

This photograph makes me weep. Where has my beautiful world gone? The one where common sense and common decency prevailed above all the idiosyncratic crazy’s.

There is always chaos, there is always darkness. Life wouldn’t be life without the contrast and the shadow. I have borne witness to and been part of plenty and been so grateful retrospectively for the insight, healing and wisdom it offers.

One day I will feel the same about now, but right now I am crying for the cold, alienating, separating choices that so many, too many, are embracing to protect themselves from an exaggerated fear.

I am crying for all the babies, all the beautiful, wonderful children that are growing up right now thinking life is unsafe and threatening. That are being shown by their mentors and guides to fear their bodies and the bodies of others; to fear each other.

I am crying for the irrevocable harm being caused to all these divine bodies through the mistaken belief that experimental poison could protect them.

This heroic man’s face, lifted to the sun, lifted to the heavens above, being physically forced to mask, to inhibit his very source and energy for control and dictate.

This has broken me today.

May I rise stronger tomorrow to begin again and continue to stand for our freedoms, our breath, our light and our love.

#darkness #chaos #control #masks #freedom #choice #love #light #divine #hope #tears

First Written on Social Media 9 May 2021