Amanda – Page 7 – Soul Reflection

You’re Not Saving Lives

I spoke with a front line GP yesterday who wanted the word to go out about the utter devastation that is happening to our children, our future.

Our teens, the ones who cannot be shielded from the stark reality of lockdown, are suffering in unprecedented numbers. The self harm, suicide and mental health issues are through the roof and, with no end in sight to the restrictions, this is only going to get exponentially worse.

We are destroying an entire generation.

We are not saving lives with our compliance to lockdown. The numbers are clear. There has been no pandemic. We can massage the numbers in many different ways, we can try to compare this past year’s death rate to previous lighter years but the truth is in the last 20 years there have been 5 other years with higher rates. We have the presence of a virus that is affecting the same people as would be affected by any tough virus. We know who is vulnerable, we can protect that tiny population.

But the ones we are really killing are those lives who never would have been affected by the virus but are now being torn apart by the restrictions. Those who are daily losing hope and inspiration to live; who are at the very start of their lives but with no desire to continue; and those who’s life work and toil have been ripped from their hands.

Those that haven’t the tools to begin to manage the impacts of isolation, loneliness and lack of contact; those who have managed their fragile constitutions through routine and purpose and now only have chaos or limbo.

We have those who aren’t getting the medical treatment they need, because it’s not covid; they’re dying too. We have the constant degradation of our immune systems through endless fear messaging.

And all of this is in our hands. All of this is our choice too. Whether we conform to the rules and abet this heartbreaking travesty, or we stand up and restore life and humanity to our fellow beings by prioritising the core values of true living. Love, connection, community, support, autonomy, freedom….

Breaking lockdowns does not kill people; complying to them does.

#mentalhealth #lockdown #death #community #isolation #compliance #fear #suicide #humanity

First written on Social Media 24 January 2021

Our Opposing Hearts

As a bystander to the US elections with many friends on both sides of the political divide, I repeatedly observe this strange dissonance.

I hear the ‘liberal’ Democrats eschew racism, gender discrimination and all other discriminations and naturally feel aligned to that in many ways (though not all). However, I hear them speak of their politically opposing humans with nothing but discrimination, so ready to write off 67 million humans as evil/racist/awful and I get thrown into that collective too, when I raise another perspective or side to the story than theirs.

These aren’t ‘far’ anything people, these are everyday peers, middle class, reasonably successful and intelligent people. Now I’m aware of the irony of me making a collective of the democrats now but I’m not writing them off as bad humans in the same way, I see their light. I just can’t get my head around this ability to label anyone who votes for Trump, or even those who acknowledge some of the positives that have occurred during his term, as automatically bad.

As soon as I question the democrat’s narrative or their own choices of leaders, I have been automatically presumed to be a trump follower and instantly insulted in one way or another.

Surely the whole essence of removing discrimination from our society is by the fact that we accept and embrace difference?

I know from my own work and my studies that the only real way through opposition is via connection. Finding that common thread that brings compassion and understanding when suddenly everything falls into place; suddenly someone’s behaviour makes sense; their views are understandable given their story; their lives as honourable as our own.

I don’t like certain styles of behaviour or attitude, they don’t suit my values perhaps, but I still know with a hundred percent truth that all of our hearts are filled with the same deep desire for love, connection, safety, warmth and trust.

I would love that to be what we concentrate on, instead of which leader we obsess over and who we emotionally destroy in order to cling on to some ideological beliefs.

Our opposing hearts are really just a reflection of each other, rooted in the same needs and desires.

#opposition #politics #usa2020 #biden #trump #connection #hearts #compassion #dissonance #love #democrat #republican

First Written on Social Media 7th November 2020

Christmas – An Act of Rebellion

How strange that Christmas should come to represent such a moment of defiance. How sad to have witnessed so many families go against their instinct for connection, joy and love to spend time apart, even, for far too many, completely alone.

I refuse to conform to the rules that are based on lies, distorted statistics and fear propaganda. Apparently, I should not be allowed an opinion because I’m not an ‘expert’; I should follow the rules because other people know better than me; I should not socialise in order to save people from dying a horrible, early death; I should accept data from media and governmental sources without second opinion from independent voices.

‘Shoulds’…. one thing I’ve learned well over the years is always to question a ‘should’.

Does it matter that in the 10 months of ‘pandemic’ I have not once been sick, neither worn a mask or kept my distance? Does it matter that this isn’t just pure luck but conscious, considered health choices that keep my immune system strong? Does it matter that, yesterday, whilst rebelling, we had nine for Christmas lunch, two of whom are doctors, also standing up against the lies and misrepresentation of truth and data? Does it matter that I have studied vaccines in greater depth than the majority of doctors, who usually attend one lecture on the subject in med school? Does it matter that, despite not having a university education, I was schooled in scientific thought and critical thinking? Does it matter that I look at the root of the statistics rather than the narrative they create?

Actually I believe it does. Democracy is an ideal of being governed to follow moral and community rules for the success and happiness of our country. But if that governance is based on lies and deception, it then becomes our duty to stand against it, to not follow, to redefine and create a new.

I have said from the beginning, indeed for the last decade, as I speak out about the criminal behaviour of the trillion dollar corporations dictating our lives, that the only way through this is radical personal responsibility; for our actions, choices, education and moral compass.

If connection, human touch, emotional attunement are some of the most important factors in maintaining a strong immune system, why have you just been asked to destroy those?

Disobey. Reclaim your personal responsibility, make the wise, moral, kind, loving choices that hold the very essence and fabric of our communities. You know. YOU know…..

Happy 100th Birthday Daddy

Today would have been my father’s 100th birthday. He died over seven years ago (Goodbye Daddy) and during those years since, my relationship with him has changed and evolved so much as to be nearly unrecognisable.

He wasn’t a wonderful father on the human plane; he was a colourful, fascinating, eccentric and clever man but not one to pay real attention to his children’s needs on any level. He stopped contributing financially to my upbringing when I was around 10 (and my brother 12) leaving my mother to carry that load of food, clothes and education. I didn’t have conversations with him about my hopes and dream and feelings and that breathtaking song by Luther Vandross ‘Dance with my Father’ makes me yearn achingly, with every listen, for a father that never existed.

I could go on about his faults and failings but I have forgiven them all. For now, in spirit, he has his hand on my back with each and every step. I feel his presence so keenly in all the moments that I need him. I hear his evolved wisdom and his humble and unconditional love. He protects my children and guides our paths with all the passion of one who knows and owns how much he didn’t do during human life.

Many might struggle to hear these words, to think I have projected a wish fulfilment on an empty entity. And they could be absolutely right. But it’s not what I believe, and feel and hear and see.

I see the transformation of a spirit, who held such deep and painful wounds, become the light that they were born with. I see all the very best of his personality merge with the grace of divinity and, with that, offering to make amends with his energy and connection.

I have known a lot of death and each spirit holds their own way of being in the next plane. Some are close, some distant, some have learned all they need to, others will return for further lessons. Some are restful, some restless and some visit, whilst others have moved on and past.

My father is resolutely here and I am deeply grateful for that. So today I honour his 100th birthday with so much love, so much joy and so much peace.

Happy Birthday Daddy. 💗

The Mist

In the Percy Jackson book series (by Rick Riordan and which I have been reading alongside my daughter) the mortals can’t see all the crazy that happens with the gods, demigods and monsters because of a hazy mist.

The mist distorts their perception of events so that they can remain within their comfortable concept of reality. Yet again truth seeming stranger than fiction, or perhaps just parallel, when I draw the comparison of this to our current global situation.

Occasionally, in the story, there are a few rare mortals who can look through the screen and are able to see the alternate timeline that is defining the events; indeed one could name it ‘the truth’.

Is that where we are at now in society? Is there a mist that is filtering reality into a more comfortable perception? Is it easier to see that the governments across the world are just bumbling inadequates that aren’t handling a pandemic well than wonder why, with all our expertise in so many fields, this has been mishandled so atrociously? Is it easier to think that there is a deadly virus that is beyond our body’s natural ability to handle than to take true personal responsibility for our well being? Is it easier to defame all uncomfortable opinions as ‘far right’ so that child trafficking and forced medical procedures are just manipulative propaganda rather than horrific realities that need addressing stat?

Is there really such a mist? Am I, and my tribe, blessed or cursed with the gift to see through it? Or are we the one who’s vision is filtered through a smoke screen?

I can only speak for what feels true to me and, without an element of boast, I believe I have a natural truth detector that beeps loudly. It’s not that I always know what the truth is but I generally have a fair sense of when I’m being lied to. I have many classic and retrospectively amusing examples of catching out rogue boyfriends with this inbuilt signal! (For another blog perhaps.) AND mixed in with that is a desire to always feel and believe the best in people, so it’s not as if I’ve never been deceived, but in hindsight my detector has always beeped, though I may have silenced it for the desire to believe in a brighter vision.

My lie detector started sounding in January, at the very beginning of this particular pandemic story. It was actually quite hard to justify my opinion at that point as it was predominantly intuitive, nobody had any real facts, but it was as if I was seeing through the mist with absolute clarity. Ever since, that initial vision has only been confirmed on a daily and monthly basis, I knew CV was not a virus to be afraid of. What I didn’t know was why it was being used to frighten us into submission.

I still don’t have a clear answer to that but I do feel that more layers are being peeled back and more mist is dissolving at a rate of knots. I see that the power lies beyond the puppetry of the governments and in the hands of some disturbed but powerful humans. I can see sociopathy and psychopathy on a far grander scale than I ever believed possible, though with my understanding of early years parenting, I sadly recognise how easily and naively this has been created.

But I think my biggest frustration has to be this god damn mist. How is it that so many are continuing in a narrative that denies these truths? That can swap deaths for cases and continue to drown in fear; controlled, submissive and accepting. Human rights abuses, emergency laws permitted, freedoms stripped, truths censored. Mist. Mist. Mist.

But I will take hope from the tales of Percy Jackson, where is is the few that can truly see that conquer the monsters, despite the general population not even recognising the danger they are in.

To triumph over evil takes a steadfast belief in truth, love and faith and that magical ability to see beyond the intoxicating mist of lies. And there are enough of us that can hold all of that and more as we rise to the challenge of today.

WWIII

The idea of a World War III was always a vague spectre in my consciousness. I grew up knowing that another global war would most likely mean the end of the world, nuclear battles, horror and unfathomable imagery.

Of course the world has moved on and control is no longer necessary by physical force but by psychological manipulation.

We are here right now, in the midst of WWIII.

This is a global battle of power. Minds are being won and lost at the hands of those with excessive power, ego and sociopathic ideology. More ingenious than ever, they are able to use the general populace, their foot soldiers, to form the lines of conflict, to rage and batter and beat each other with words and condemnation. All this within our own communities, on our own doorstep.

Who needs a red button? Who needs to destroy with nuclear power when we have finally realised our own individual power can be harnessed collectively for a far more efficient effect, with less environmental collateral damage.

Who needs real soldiers on the street when we can create such fear and loathing that we all police our neighbours into conforming to the new rules? For our safety.

Who needs a battlefield when the verbal bullets fly around social media, taking out the goodies and the resistance through censorship, despair and shame?

This is the final war between dark and light. Between love and hate. Between fear and faith. Truth and Lies.

It’s time to choose your side. To stand up for love, faith, truth, and light or swirl in the midst of the darkness and have your liberty, autonomy and vitally sucked out of you.

Yes the words we are hearing can be scary and yes the truth can hurt. Have courage. Step up into your noble self.

Remember our ancestors from all of our personal cultures who raised their weapons and faced their enemies head on with pride, honour and integrity. Raise your beacon of light and ride into our new future together, where love and truth always prevail.

They say I have no compassion

Yet my mind and heart are torn with concern for the decimation of our children’s well-being. The long term impact on their mental health from the hysterical fear messaging by those that are supposed to keep them safe.

They say I have no compassion

Yet my heart breaks for the elderly left alone, without touch or love; empty days to end their lives on, how does this protect them? Has anyone asked for their opinion, for their choices?

They say I have no compassion

But my soul weeps for the disconnection from humanity; masks, division, fear, compliance to arbitrary and harmful rules.

They say I have no compassion

Though I lie awake wondering how those whose livelihoods have disappeared before their eyes are putting food on the table and keeping a roof over their heads, at home and abroad.

I am so bemused by being told that decisions are for my freedom and protection when they are doing the opposite. Where education is being removed unless we submit to suffocating our children; where travel is threatened to be withheld unless we allow unnecessary medical procedures; where I am being pushed to use cashless finance, irrelevant to how that impacts our lives including that of our children and our privacy; that I am not free to roam my community without confrontation around masks, sanitiser, personal details.

How is any of this creating a more connected, loving community? I am not afraid of a virus that has the same impact of any other virus. Those that take personal responsibility for their health will survive without impact; those who are vulnerable will face the same risks from life as they always have.

They say I have no compassion but where is their compassion for all those suffering in order to ‘protect’ them?

The Empathy Trap

It is always hard to write a blog where I have to reflect on my mistakes as a parent. My ego screams to keep it silent but my spirit yearns to share and offer it of service to others. A mighty battle within.

My parenting philosophy is deeply embedded with the principle of empathy; of feeling and understanding my children’s perspective, in order that I can help guide them and support them through their journey.

I still think this is deeply important.

Yet I have discovered a trap in this idealised path… something that harms rather than helps my children on their journeys. It has been particularly highlighted by one child whom has a fight reaction tendency when misunderstood. When they have lashed out I have nearly always seen and understood the route to that explosion. I have watched and witnessed the unfolding of communication crashes and mix ups. And so I have helped explain that to others. I have spoken their feelings and shown how and why they have reached melt down. I did this to model to them how to verbalise their frustrations and recognise their own triggers.

And it has worked. They can verbalise and can recognise but they can also excuse themselves. ‘I hit because they annoyed me.’

And I have explained that excuses are not ok, there is no justification for violence unless in defence of life and soul. But they keep coming. These excuses. By fully empathising I have taught that there is some implicit permission in their reaction, I have fed this attitude of vindication.

So I have reflected. I have looked out into the world at the excuses and demands for empathy being thrown out constantly in society; I have looked within at the balance of compassion and discipline triggers from my past and I realise that on this honourable path of affinity I have let resilience slide.

Because resilience is a key tool for life. Resilience is the ability to carry on in the face of all adversity, including that of being misunderstood.

When I look out into the world and see the screams and cries of so many begging to be understood, to be re-labelled, re-defined and then crumbling and collapsing when others don’t want to, don’t have to, don’t like to; there I see a dearth of resilience. It is not for us to demand someone’s understanding, it is for us to know that we are still enough without it.

So now I have some work to do. My children are thankfully young and resilient enough to flow with my mistakes; we learn together. I hope the rest of the world can too.

The Real Privilege

My husband beings home the money so that we can raise our children with one parent as their solid continuum. Except he hasn’t been able to bring home the money for four months now.

The government has ‘supported’ us during this time of COVID-19 with less than a quarter of our monthly expenses (and I mean expenses not frivolity; food, bills, mortgage). We have taken a six month mortgage holiday. And we have had to swallow our pride and ask for money from family. Yet I still know how privileged we are, the fact that we have family to ask, that they are able to give. We are the lucky ones.

Not so a vast swathe of, not only the British population, but in fact the global population. Many of whom will now be facing dire poverty, starvation, homelessness and all the mental and physical health issues that come with those. It sickens me to my core to imagine how people who work hard, strive hard to support their families and loved ones have had this purpose snatched away from them with so little consideration for their plight.

It sickens me to hear people advocate for further limiting restrictions to protect their fears of illness and death. Even if we didn’t know at the beginning, we know now. This virus is over 99.5% survivable. This has been a lockdown of privilege beyond all proportion. It is for those that can comfortably exist without monthly income or can work from their laptops at home. It is for the celebrities hiding out in their estates and telling us to be good and kind people by following their orders.

The people who will come out of this farce and injustice unscathed are the most privileged people on the planet and they seemingly couldn’t give two hoots about the rest of the world. I don’t think I could bear to hear another ‘leader’ of our world pretend to care about the masses when it is so obvious that they only care about their own reputations and well being.

We have been discussing white privilege in society for some time now, but it is the same people that make a show of fighting for this cause that are now silent for those lives decimated by lockdown and the suppression of our liberties. Token gestures.

I am angry.

How have we come to this place where we can so comfortably destroy infinitesimally more lives than we have saved and still be convincing the general public to turn on each other in the name of common decency?

I spoke to six strangers at the farmers market today who were not aware of their rights around the ‘mandated’ rules and regulations. They were all in fear of fines and reprisals despite not approving of or believing in the ‘laws’.

I am fortunate enough to be tapped into a world where we remind each other of the ‘other’ truths, the other possibilities and options rather than that of the mainstream media. An industry that is dictated to by just five or six billionaires, so divorced from real life, it means nothing to them. We have become their pawns, to manipulate at will.

It’s time for the rebellion, for the resistance.

It’s time to explore your rights and hold on bloody tight to them without relinquishing them to the privileged powers that be.

Rise up! Rise up! Rise up!

The Beginning of Everything…

When I was twenty my right leg would start to sporadically swell. If I stood too long or sometimes just because, my calf would get tight and uncomfortable. I went to a lot of doctors, overnighted in hospital, and got no where. I was told I wasn’t dying, so…..

Two years later, I ended up going to a doctor in Dublin, where I was living at the time, for pain and discomfort in my lower abdomen. He palpated and told me I had a cyst. They took an ultrasound. This is your womb, they pointed, and that is your cyst…. they were the same size. I needed an operation because there was risk of it bursting or twisting and then I could die. Unlikely to be cancerous, but who knows until we’re in.

I came back to the UK, found a private gynaecologist (because the NHS said I would have to wait six months for surgery) who told me the cyst had been the cause of my leg swelling. A common occurrence, he said.

Key hole surgery, out later that afternoon and feeling good again in 24hrs. That was the plan.

Except the plan went wrong.

I bled out. Keyhole turned to emergency incision and four blood transfusions later, I survived.

And that became the beginning of everything….

I began to wake up to myself, my body, my health, my potential. Was it someone’s else DNA flowing through my blood? Was is the shock of trauma? Was is the closeness of death?

What I have come to understand for myself is that my health crisis was my awakening and I believe it holds that potential for many. My womb was infested with trauma from childhood abuse, it took a few years, but it has been cleansed and healed to become a bastion of rich womanly health and creative energy.

This moment in my life inspired me to understand health on levels far beyond the current model of mainstream medicine, restricted to symptoms and short term solutions.

What if we can allow all of our health crises to become the beginning of everything instead of the catastrophes of fear? What if we re frame disease as a call to reclaiming health and empowerment? What if each of these ailments is a gift of discovery?

Can you imagine the permission to be solely in charge of your own healing?

…. it’s the beginning of everything.